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slothrop @lemmy.ca to Not The Onion@lemmy.worldEnglish · 8 days ago

Man who claims he spent 18 days in heaven says Jesus is a '6ft Mustang full of testosterone' | News Weird | Metro News

metro.co.uk

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Man who claims he spent 18 days in heaven says Jesus is a '6ft Mustang full of testosterone' | News Weird | Metro News

metro.co.uk

slothrop @lemmy.ca to Not The Onion@lemmy.worldEnglish · 8 days ago
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Man who claims he spent 18 days in heaven says Jesus is a ‘6ft Mustang full of testosterone’
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  • takeheart@lemmy.world
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    3 days ago

    The best part is that while FOX interviewed him about this supposed encounter they used split screen to show scans of his brain lesions from when he was in the hospital. 🤣

  • piedonut@piefed.social
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    7 days ago

    Well somebody is suppressing their sexuality.

  • phutatorius@lemmy.zip
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    6 days ago

    Then he woke up on sticky sheets.

  • ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world
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    7 days ago

    Sounds homoerotic, but OK.

    Maybe “heaven” was spending 18 days with a Latin American lover called Jesus.

  • nanometer1625@thelemmy.club
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    7 days ago

    He must be Dothraki. He met “the stallion who mounts the world”.

  • Evotech@lemmy.world
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    7 days ago

    Why did he get a platform lol

  • Cethin@lemmy.zip
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    6 days ago

    This is not meant to be criticism, but I think this guy has been repressing something for a long time…

    • OrteilGenou@lemmy.world
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      6 days ago

      His love for horses, Hispanic first names, and human biology?

  • Lovable Sidekick@lemmy.world
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    6 days ago

    Man wakes up from coma, figures out how to make bank on it.

  • myyass@lemmy.world
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    7 days ago

    Great. Now the FBI is going to raid Heaven.

    • OldManWithACane@lemmy.zip
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      6 days ago

      • myyass@lemmy.world
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        6 days ago

        That’s classified.

  • Archangel1313@lemmy.ca
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    6 days ago

    Is he talking about the horse…or the car?

  • itisileclerk@lemmy.world
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    6 days ago

    Why this is published? Today the more nonsesnse you say, the more chance to go public. Like “God exist” or “I was in Heaven” or “Jesus died and resurected” or “God tell me stories and I write them”.

  • tigermountain@lemmy.world
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    6 days ago

    Wait a minute, I spent 20 days in heaven and jesus was a short Chinese guy with glasses who was nervous around women. This guy is lying.

    • IhaveCrabs111@lemmy.world
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      6 days ago

      You are both wrong. My version of Jesus is right. Which means you’re both evil and are going to hell.

  • Noxy@pawb.social
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    7 days ago

    if christianity rebranded jesus to be an extremely male and extremely verile free-roaming horse I would have to seriously rethink my atheism.

    • InternetCitizen2@lemmy.world
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      7 days ago

      Its always been that way. Satan has blinded you from the truth. /s

  • biofaust@lemmy.world
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    7 days ago

    Mustang, so a horse?

    • Leviathan@lemmy.world
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      7 days ago

      Wouldn’t be surprised at this point if he hallucinated a fancy Ford.

      • biofaust@lemmy.world
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        7 days ago

        True, although a smelly one if it was described as chock full of testosterone.

  • BradleyUffner@lemmy.world
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    6 days ago

    Vroom vroom

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