Hey all, I am locking this post. Here is the bottom line. Blahaj is a trans safe instance. Regardless of your personal opinion on whether a term is gender neutral or not, the moment someone tells you that they are not OK with that term, that should be the end of the debate. This is a good rule not only in Blahaj but in real life. Continuing to argue with someone about what they should or should not accept in this matter is harmful.
As a transfem, I definitely appreciate this.
Yeah I’m terrible at this. Almost put man in this sentance twice. I don’t stop myself unless explicitly asked as it would be quite patronizing to treat them like they’re somehow different than all the other women I call man or my guy however but when asked it’s hard to stop. I do my best though
I do my best though
That’s all anyone can ask for really! Mistakes happen, I even misgender myself sometimes
I still think guy/dude is gender neutral. Call it the Good Burger principle:
“I’m a dude, he’s a dude, she’s a dude, we’re all dudes… HEY!”
doesn’t matter if it isn’t to whoever you are referring to
Yeah I agree. At the end of the day I’m not going to disrespect someone by calling them something they don’t want to be called
Is it weird that I’m a Trans girl and I still use dude like so much?
And yet when other people use it for me, I feel like I have to ask how they meant it 😅
It’s a little inconsistent, but don’t beat yourself up too much. Language is complicated and slow to change, same as our usage of it.
but don’t beat yourself up too much
Oh don’t worry, that wasn’t the spirit of my comment at all. If anything, I started using dude after my egg cracked. It fits with the chill, tomboyish image I have of myself.
dude isn’t gender neutral?
It really depends 😅
Soooo much appreciation for this 🩷 I think I’ll forever mentally twitch when people use dude, man, mate, bro, etc. towards me. I totally know it’s done in a gender neutral way, but I still feel a small pang in my heart.
How’s Homie sit with you? (I think Homie is a great gender neutral term!)
Using a validating, non vaguely-male term is great, though!
Most of the terms are like: “these are MALE terms and also girls can be ‘one of the bros’ in certain circumstances”… but that’s just not what transition is about.
We don’t want to be “just one of the bros”; you gotta understand that:
a) that’s NOT what a lot of us after,
b) the world doesn’t revolve around men and being men and being masculine (and perpetuating that male chauvinism perspective is shitty),
and c) it’s okay to call girls, girls, and to be a woman. That isn’t a negative or lesser or othering l thing, despite how much of society raises us to believe.
I’m also not saying that we don’t want to be included wherever we feel comfortable fitting in, we absolutely do. And I think a lot of allies understand that. But just as many allies understand that trans women feel left out from being included in feminine spaces, as well. And sometimes, while we may fit in better with the bros, way more than the girls, that itself can feel awful and really get the dysphoria going. Sometimes though, some of us realize that the dudes that are bros we realize are hot and dumb and we want to be closer to them for… different reasons.
Personally, I’m poly and pan and just want everybody to get along and not have weird stereotypically forced gender segregated hobbies, interests, and cliques anymore because that’s weird and uncomfy. I don’t even know what I’m talking about anymore I haven’t eaten today yet. Homie is fine, I guess, but borderline, personally. I don’t know a better replacement.
