Various reasons over the years:
- Don’t want to risk making the workplace unpleasant (twice)
- Wrong race that would upset my parents (twice)
- Lives too far away (twice)
- Age gap (once)
- Me being exposed to porn at a very young age (first time I was 3 or 4, and I grew up with unsupervised internet access) gave me a completely broken sexuality and I don’t want to bring other people into this mess
- Feeling inadequate, ugly or uninteresting (I used to be very fat so you can imagine how I grew up)
- Feeling that my interest in the other person is not genuine and that I only see her as a sexual object
In the end, I’m 32 and single, my friends are getting married and starting their own families and I have this dreadful feeling that I missed out on something important in life, I drown this feeling in work, video games and all sorts of projects, but when I’m alone and I can’t think of anything to do and I start thinking about the future, I want to kill myself.
I’d so sorry to hear that. Stay strong brother, my thoughts are with you!
There’s this girl I’ve known for almost 10 years and we always-maybe-kinda liked each other, but we have this “non verbal agreement” of not bothering one another because in reality we both know we would tear each other apart in the end.
There are some character traits that are funny as long as you are friends but would be destructive as partners.We were both married and I was genuinely worried she might feel the same way.
Why ruin four people’s live on an indulgence?
It felt amazing to be constantly flirting. We were more in love with the eternal crush than eachother. Always a word away from spelling out the truth, but the dream was more exciting than any possible reality. We would spend the early hours talking remotely about nothing and everything at the same time. When we did meet in person among common friends, we would lock knowing gazes. We both had our own relationships, but kept this small cozy flame secretly burning over the years, and never let it develop into a full blown blaze in fear of losing what was so magical about it.
It never quite felt right. We were really close friends sharing a lot with each other and hanging out multiple times a week, so after a while I developed feelings for him. But something always felt off to me, so I let it stay that way and didn’t push it any further.
He completely destroyed our friendship in a span of a few weeks by suddenly centering his whole life around one dude and behaving like I never existed. It still hurt to be cut off like that, but I’m happy it didn’t hurt more.
After being friends with her for a year, one year less than the amount of time I had a massive crush on her, I asked her out. She rejected me, but we agreed to stay friends and she assured me that nothing happened and we can continue like before. However, I now feel like I’m being used (or how do you say it). She doesn’t talk to me as much, only contacts me when she has a tech problem. That doesn’t seem like a friendship. When I confronted her, she said she wasn’t ghosting me, stopped for like a week, then continued.
I still think about her every day.
Ah, man, this hurts a lot. It appears that you were keen in helping her with whatever kind of problems, personal or business, but she wasn’t in a reciprocal place.
Sometimes after a failed confession, the reality of course doesn’t match your expectation. I just ask myself that if it’s someone else, what I would expect from them in the response of friends helping each other out. She might truly be using you, or anyone who fell into her trap.
I’m not saying she’s an abusive woman but those definitely exist. Glad you made your way out.
Because there are so many easier, safer, less awkward ways to check if someone likes me back or not. And if it turns out they do, I don’t need to confess anything, I just set up dates, or do nice things for them and see where that takes us.
Do you mean you just ask people out? like no fear and you’re just always sure?
What? I’m never sure about anything these days. I just feel “I’ve always wanted to try this restaurant, would you be interested” is better than “I have to confess something … I’m totally attracted to you” That being said I’m in a committed relationship right now and it started with just spending time together naturally.
Because there are so many easier, safer, less awkward ways to check if someone likes me back or not
Oh you said this. So I thought maybe you just knew when someone liked you. Like a tell during a poker game.
I’m just in a situation where social norms where I live dictate that I shouldn’t ask someone out so I was hoping for insight on how to tell if someone is actually interested or not. Without straight up asking.
I may not have a lot of experience but there are definitely signs for both sexes. Notice how your behaviours have changed toward someone after you were into them, then sex swap to think similarly. Generally the interested party wants more interaction with the counterparty but there must be more.
Where I live, most people go by gender, not sex.
The person I’m into is very androgynous so there isn’t like, a tell tale sign. I don’t think they really do anything that’s either male or female.
I’ve tried 4 times, 1 was a complete rejection that nearly ruined a friendship, the second was a weird soft-rejection that led to a friends relationship that felt a lot like I was taking advantage of this person. That ended when they moved away.
The other two led to relationships, one lasted a month and ended with me getting dumped. Second is my current girlfriend.
All of these happened within a year, starting when I was 22. Before that first rejection I had never made a move on anyone because I had 0 self confidence and could only see women as sexual objects. The girl who first rejected me was the first one that I liked for genuine reasons, which allowed me to change the way I looked at women. I now have a lot of female friends and hardly ever think about women I see in a sexual way, when 2 years ago I couldn’t see a woman without thinking that way. I owe a lot to the girl who rejected me, and we are now friends again, for which I am grateful.
The girl who first rejected me was the first one that I liked for genuine reasons, which allowed me to change the way I looked at women
Was there anything she did specifically that made you look at women as a whole differently?
She talked to me without me having to strike up the conversation, that was a huge part of it. She was really easy to talk to, and friendly to everyone. She was passionate about the same things as me, and got me out doing things that were beyond my comfort zone. Basically, she was a human being who treated me like an equal human being. There was no disgust at my presence, or laughing at my awkwardness. Those had been the things I was afraid of prior to that.
