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Believe it or not? This is avoidant attachment style.
Like literal fucking definition.
Probably, but could just as well be anxious attachment since we don’t have the whole story. I’m on the anxious side and this happens a lot if the other doesn’t show enough interest or is closed off in conversation.
My first thought was OP is dismissive avoidant. It’s the no-overlap Venn diagram of, “I want to be close enough to be loved, but not close enough to be hurt.” OP: go take one of the attachment style tests online. There’s a lot of good stuff that might help you get out of this Catch 22. Who knows, though? There is scant information.
OP: do you find yourself resenting your partner? Wishing they’d get out of your space/stop bugging you with their needs?
Late but this post has got me curious. Is this a good test?
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/tests/relationships/relationship-attachment-style-test
Update: ew, that test asks for a zip code. Nevermind. How about this one?
Second one looks good. She has got a bit click-baity, but I found a lot of Thais Gibson’s “Personal Development School” channel on YouTube to be really accessible. She has links to tests, but it’s also useful just listening to her video overviews if the different attachment styles and seeing if you recognise yourself in any of the descriptions. Certainly I was at a loss, watched them, and was like, “Oh shit! Her description of anxious preoccupieds and dismissive avoidance is almost verbatim what I’m dealing with!”
If you are dismissive avoidant, don’t read the comments. There are a lot of butthurt anxious preoccupieds out there. They really do experience DAs like that, but they’ve got their own shit to work out and contribute to the dynamic.
Anon thinks he “won” by getting the girl, not realising that entering a relationship isn’t the finish line.
What is the finish line
Dying together in bed at 100.
After drinking a bottle of wine laced with drugs inside the electrified compound to protect against raiders and clickers
I get it. I wouldn’t want to date a girl who has so little self-confidence as to date me.
I Don’t Want to Belong to Any Club That Will Accept Me as a Member
Could be ADHD. The idea of a new relationship and the dopamine from the chase and the victory would be relatively short-lived, and their brain would naturally start seeking out its next hit.
That’s a really distorted view of what ADHD is.
…
I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD since I was fourteen. I am now thirty. I’ve done my research to manage my condition and have come across this; and even more, I have experienced this very thing. It is not the whole picture, certainly, and as ADHD is a spectrum, it will not be present in all of us; but it is not an uncommon symptom; and it’s basically what I could pull from the post without making assumptions about anon’s other characteristics.
Probably watched too much porn and got used to seeing new bodies and faces every time.
Or gay
Gay men want to have sex with more women? Interesting, please tell me more.
Traditional 4chan response.
I’ve never been there, people on 4chan think gay men like having sex with women?
Fake and gay is the traditional 4chan response.
In this case, as you pointed out, saying gay didn’t make sense for the little story we got.
It was a little ironic in-joke for those who know, but explaining it sucks all the life out of it.
When I was much younger this was an issue because I’d pursue people out of loneliness, not because they were actually a good match. After we’d be together for a few weeks, the loneliness would go away, and then I’d realise that I didn’t like them to begin with. Awful to do that to other people, I know.
Worked on it through therapy and overcame this behaviour.
