I’ve got a few suggestions on how he can speed things along.

When Mike Johnson goes to heaven and bangs on the pearly gates demanding to be let inside, Jesus will ask, “I’m sorry, do I know you? Because you sure didn’t know me.”

Prove it.

That charged lemonade is going to be a big hit in 2024, I tell 'ya.

“Your Seamen have all died.” What are you, my urologist?

Frasier is so old, Trump is the only way he can maintain an insurrection.

Paramount Plus is so desperate to keep me as a customer that they keep giving me free months of service, without advertising. I just threaten to end my subscription and they’re all like, “Augh! Please come back! Look, you can have two more months on us… just don’t go!”

Wow Frasier, you suck.

Adulterated sounds like the exact opposite of extra virgin.

It’s especially great when they do something that’s completely off the walls crazy. Michael Dorn played a screaming dwarf in the Billy and Mandy episode “Here There Be Dwarves,” who went mad after centuries of mushroom farming and exacted his revenge by invading the Keebler elves’ hollow tree. Then R. Lee Ermey pops up to censor the carnage and the dwarves and elves compromise by making mushroom cookies, and Billy does karaoke. That show was so delightfully warped and random sometimes.

From BlueSky: “He planned to drive one off the lot.”

Damn it, I hate crumbs in my bed.

It was morally bankrupt shortly after Seth McFarlane left too long under a heat lamp took over. In addition to all his other failings, Elon looks like McFarlane jerky.

Kiss… coming soon to a Chuck E. Cheese near you!

They know their audience.

At least they’ll be dead.

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MFF = mother fuckin’ fascists.

Somebody give the Grim Reaper another roll of quarters for the claw machine. Why stop at just Kissinger?

Oh yeah, I remember this repulsive bag of wrinkles. It’s like Colonel Sanders and the Cryptkeeper had a love child.