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Joined 3 years ago
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Cake day: June 24th, 2023

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    1. But it feels really weird that someone I slept with hundreds of times, often in sessions of 40 minutes to two hours would count the same towards that number as someone who I slept with once for 15 minutes.

    Of the 12, 4 were a single time, 1 was a few times and the rest were over a year of sleeping together, usually 2 or 3.

    For what it’s worth the sex was only physically pleasurable in the long term deals for me.



  • Ugh we just got cut out of our friend group for very similar situation, except the asshole won. He almost cheated on his then fiance, he did screw over his “best friend” my husband, and when he learned my husband had told me about the emotional affair, he manipulated us and everyone, campaigned against us and eventually got us disliked and dropped by everyone. It really sucked, these were lifelong friends. My only hope is that they eventually all see who he is. I doubt it, as it’s been a year and a half, and his now wife just had a baby. I feel the worst for her in the situation.


  • Thinking that 50 percent of women are shallow gold diggers seems a bit high. There are plenty of men who have superficial feelings about how they want their wife to look, but it’s nowhere near 50/50. Usually those gym bros and trophy wives pair up so they’re not really hurting anyone normal with their expectations.

    Personally, I wear a silicone ring. So does my spouse. Our rings for our wedding were a hand me down and a band with a non diamond stone. That said, it’s fair to want a ring. It’s fair to want the tradition, and it’s fair to be comforted by the idea that your partner has been thinking about asking you to merge lives for longer than just today. A ring used to mean more when women weren’t allowed their own bank accounts (actually very recently, in the scheme of things), but it’s still meaningful in a society where we’re taught (incorrectly) that men value non commitment, and don’t want to get “chained” to a “nagging wife.”

    Funnily, it’s guys who make comments like you (that it’s a total toss up whether any woman has an ounce of substance to her or if she’s a total bimbo who only cares about money) that make women afraid that men are not going to fully commit which is why things like a big unnecessary time commitment before the proposal seems romantic and reassuring



  • Ooh that’s a good point! I hadn’t looked at it like that!

    Of course the meltdown I’m thinking of is that his own toddler was trying to eat old food off the floor and I was preventing that and offering fresh food while babysitting for free for him.

    He doesn’t have meltdowns so often now, but the only thing that changed is that he feels safe and comfortable around us. Ironically, his bad behavior is what made us uncomfortable around him which is what made him feel unsafe. So as it got better, it just got better and better.

    Unfortunately for him, he was raised in an emotionally abusive home, so his regular bad behavior was learned and then when we reacted poorly to that it would lead to an actual meltdown. Consistent kind behavior and firm boundaries is what eventually led to a two way street respectful situation. A meltdown now would be much more accepted and understood but we had to go to group therapy to get here.


  • Embarrassingly, I think I’m someone who struggles with both ideas. How many meltdowns am I expected to accommodate before someone is not invited back to a social event? A work event? Because if a neurotypical yelled obscenities at me, it would be one and done, but I’m expected to forgive and forget when the person is autistic. How many times do you accommodate someone’s tardiness? I have ADHD, and I work really hard to be on time, but I’m late plenty. Sometimes for work. Often for social events. It’s not because i don’t care about other people’s time. I try really hard, I just fail a lot. Like who decides what’s reasonable?