That’s why the mirror ended up in jail: for targeting the protected class

A perfectly cromulent name.

You honor I object that he interrupted me while watching Ow My Balls!

Go away. Baitin!!

Went through something similar with my 17 year old cat. They hide their suffering so well but I could tell at the end he wasn’t having a good quality of life. My elder parents he was living with couldn’t bring themselves to make the call so I made the tough but necessary decision to humanely release his spirit from the failing meat machinery. Rest in peace Boots and thanks for taking care of mom and dad for me.

This sounds like an Onion article headline

Not on your life, my Feddit friend.