Just once I want to see an Onion headline like “Mamdani sneezes on man’s sandwich” or something like that just so we can have some temporary fake outrage about him

But seriously, this guy just can’t stop being amazing, can he?

Heh lol

I’m just here to see the meme get proven right in the comments

Stop feeding the troll

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The name is familiar but I’m drawing blank. I wanna say that’s a Hitchhikers Guide character, I think I could be mistaken. (Explanation for the deleted comments: comment mitosis)

I read this to my spouse and their response was pointing at the door and saying “get out”

This is the only appropriate response to a dad joke

Evolution was a scam all along to make future chiropractors more money! /s

You can’t lose weight, but that’s okay because the lack of appetite balances that out! (A common side effect my antidepressants have)

Now we know why they allowed animal abusers to join. You don’t have to worry about being ratted out if your lover is a literal rat. You don’t have to worry if your lover is a metaphorical snake if it’s a literal one. You don’t have to worry about being hounded for information if your lover is a literal hound.

The first few books of the old testament are just bad fanfiction based off the Epic of Gilgamesh

The book of Job is about Adonaiyahwehjehovahbob bragging about torturing an innocent man.

And I’m sure a lot of the other old testament books (both protestant and catholic) are just as problematic.

Is it a single song on loop or are there various covers of it?

I got to this post after the edit, so I came to comments to get context behind the “slop” thing. Happy to see no one was a dick about it and it was all cordially cleared up.

Rereading the first few words reminded me of “take my gallbladder free of charge”

At this point the organic brains are just decorative. And so folks can keep making the “second thoughts” joke

Nonononono

Somehow find a way to fit another brain in my skull alongside my current one, then use that joke

Take my stomach and bladder too while you’re at it. Leave the brain, but only power it enough to keep it alive. If people ask why, just make up some funny reason.

Nothing dull about putting mother nature first

Oh, yeah. Most definitely. Would also make it easier for water to flow through me. Less weird internal folds and flaps too. Like what are all those lungs, intestines, kidneys, etc really for anyways?