Mayor Poopington

Sometimes I need food fast

I have a tortilla pocket on my cargo shorts. It’s where I keep all my tortillas.

Oh my god you’re right, let me just flip this switch here. Don’t know why I didn’t think of that.

So that means people voted pro choice and still voted for the guy that will enact a federal ban

Can someone explain like im 5

fetal position in the bathtub, lights off, noize cancelling headphones playing static

The next time I see the word slam it better be like that time Hulk smashed Loki into the floor

Imagine being upset by something as normal as body hair. If I ever have kids I’m keeping them away from you.

“25% of our code was copied off of GitHub”

I don’t think either of you will be able to smell each other because eating 2000 lbs of garlic will surely kill you.

Menards are stuck to methighs

You must be fun at parties

Just wait until until we get Earth Wind & Fire hurricanes. 200 mph gust of jazz ain’t nothing to joke about.

Well that was quite a read. Margaret Thatcher?? Even I have standards. The Onion couldn’t top this court case.

I don’t think I even spend that much time on my actual job

They laugh, but you never know when you may need a deep cycle marine battery

Is anyone on fortnite old enough to vote?

I love this time of year, when all the seasonal stouts come out

Damn good beer

Not entirely true. A number of them are definitely spam, but there are many organizations that do text outreach and there is definitely a person at the other end. They will remove you from their lists if you reply with stop.