My dad has recently been caught having an affair with his young personal assistant. Huge scandal; mom was very angry. Now they’re in the middle of divorce proceedings. Mom moved out, the other woman moved in and I chose to stay with him because we’re super close; he’s like my best friend. Now mom’s telling me to go and live with her and go no contact with him cause he’s a bad person and by continuing having a relationship with him I’m condoning his actions and “ignoring her suffering”. My relationship with my dad hasn’t changed, I don’t see why I should end it.
Your choice, as you’ve presented them, are so extreme. Cut your dad off forever and move out, or… do nothing?
Let’s set your mom’s demands aside for a second. Do you have any reaction to him cheating on his wife? How do you feel about that?
You should act based on how you feel about it. And if your mom is incredibly wounded by it, that can absolutely be a factor in how you feel.
I’d think that cheating on your mom should have SOME effect on you. You say your relationship with him hasn’t changed. Is that true? Or is it only true in comparison to your mom’s extreme demands?
Basically, stop playing this like it’s all black or all white and realize that you have a million ways to react to this situation in the middle somewhere.
You’re not a bad person for not moving out immediately. You actually might be a bad person if you have absolutely no problem with the cheating. But you can disapprove of the cheating and still have a good relationship with your dad.
You can disapprove of the cheating and still have a good relationship with your dad. That seemed worth saying twice.