Personal opinion: It isn’t for us cis-folks to decide whether we’re an ally of trans people or not. That’s for trans-folks to decide based on our behavior. It might be better to say something like “I do my best to support trans rights” because then you’re not labeling yourself, rather describing your behavior. I just don’t think it’s up to anyone to be able to label themselves as an “ally” of any group. That’s for the group they want to be an ally of to decide.
Also, in my experience, the people who are loudest about being an ally of any group are the least effective allies and most effective at posturing as an ally through performative allyship.
Well said. I usually preface it with “I’ll always vote to protect your rights”, which I feel has that weak milktoast “I am an ally” energy, but I hear you in terms of measuring personable actions and it not being about me.
Trans person maybe, some of us are subject to our own personal problems just like anyone… But a concensus of trans people should be the marker. I don’t know how many times I have heard someone claim allyship when they are being called out by multiple trans people for something they said or did.
It’s interesting how fast some people will flip. Sometimes a well meaning cis person will suggest something as a work around for some trans engineered social convention or accommodation to try and make things easier for them without realizing how it interacts with the actual experience of being trans. When trans people try and explain exactly why it does not work based off of experience the cis person, upset their idea to solve a problem that they do not fully understand was rejected , suddenly start into the old transphobic gems - “oh you’re just trying to be difficult, play the victim, nobody will like you if you’re that sensitive”
End of day Trans allyship does involve a certain amount of trusting trans people to tell you what makes them comfortable and what they need because it really is a very different experience of gender at it’s core. Deciding what we need on our behalf or telling us how we should feel or giving us advice on how to approach transness happens a lot out in the world and it really isn’t helpful. It often just exposes how much the speaker does not understand.
I, uh, I feel like I’ve unironically said this whilst explaining my complex feelings about JKRowling.
(Yes, I’m aware now what a POS she is)
Personal opinion: It isn’t for us cis-folks to decide whether we’re an ally of trans people or not. That’s for trans-folks to decide based on our behavior. It might be better to say something like “I do my best to support trans rights” because then you’re not labeling yourself, rather describing your behavior. I just don’t think it’s up to anyone to be able to label themselves as an “ally” of any group. That’s for the group they want to be an ally of to decide.
Also, in my experience, the people who are loudest about being an ally of any group are the least effective allies and most effective at posturing as an ally through performative allyship.
I’d also like cis people to become aware of the fact that the concept of me having allies is totally useless to me.
you either internalize that fighting against bio-essentialism is also for your own sake or you become a danger to me.
for some reading on why the ally-oppressed group relationship is toxic: https://www.indigenousaction.org/accomplices-not-allies-abolishing-the-ally-industrial-complex/
Both of these are excellent pieces, thank you for sharing. Well worth the read for anyone else wondering.
Well said. I usually preface it with “I’ll always vote to protect your rights”, which I feel has that weak milktoast “I am an ally” energy, but I hear you in terms of measuring personable actions and it not being about me.
I mean… this whole post feels like “you can’t disagree with a trans person and be an ally”, which is an absurd premise.
Or maybe I just haven’t had my coffee yet, idk
Trans person maybe, some of us are subject to our own personal problems just like anyone… But a concensus of trans people should be the marker. I don’t know how many times I have heard someone claim allyship when they are being called out by multiple trans people for something they said or did.
It’s interesting how fast some people will flip. Sometimes a well meaning cis person will suggest something as a work around for some trans engineered social convention or accommodation to try and make things easier for them without realizing how it interacts with the actual experience of being trans. When trans people try and explain exactly why it does not work based off of experience the cis person, upset their idea to solve a problem that they do not fully understand was rejected , suddenly start into the old transphobic gems - “oh you’re just trying to be difficult, play the victim, nobody will like you if you’re that sensitive”
End of day Trans allyship does involve a certain amount of trusting trans people to tell you what makes them comfortable and what they need because it really is a very different experience of gender at it’s core. Deciding what we need on our behalf or telling us how we should feel or giving us advice on how to approach transness happens a lot out in the world and it really isn’t helpful. It often just exposes how much the speaker does not understand.