Before reporting: I’m a mod
With Texas and other states forcing religion in public schools, this now is political.
those motherfuckers!
Aahhh that time when ever got stuck in that washing tub and her son’s found her…
Cue pornhub intro music and a title saying something something step something
Ain’t no step about it.
And in practically all drawings do Adam and Eve have belly buttons - Think about that 🤣
Okay, yeah but…
If god can make people surely he knows how to make belly buttons?
Not the part of the story that seems odd to me
That’s where their imaginary entity sticked a stick in the clay while sculpting… that’s why fat guys like me needs a deep navel so that we don’t fall from the stick and end up with a flat face or ass.
To be fair, the book basically never mentions daughters unless they’re plot relevant, so it could be that Adam’s sons were sisterfuckers rather than motherfuckers.
Either way, Genesis is basically the Incest pornhub category.
Wait, there is an incest ph category? Is there a concentration camp fetish category? I could recommend that one to a shitload of people.
Weren’t they angelfuckers? Or did that come later?
Later… out of desperation… have you seen how accurate to the bible reditions of angels look like?
And you have to be quite desperate to fuck those things!
“Did you ever notice how in the Bible, whenever God needed to punish someone, or make an example, or whenever God needed a killing, he sent an angel? Did you ever wonder what a creature like that must be like? A whole existence spent praising your God, but always with one wing dipped in blood. Would you ever really want to see an angel?”
-Thomas Daggett, the Prophecy
Maybe it was the other way around and it was basically biblically accurate hentai tentacle stuff.
And after Cain, Abel, and Seth, Adam had multiple other children who are never named. We don’t know who, how many, or genders.
Genesis 5:4-5
"4 And the days of Adam after he had begotten Seth were eight hundred years: and he begat sons and daughters:
5 And all the days that Adam lived were nine hundred and thirty years: and he died."
That’s it. But I’d imagine you could get a lot of sons and daughters in 800 years…
800 moon years. So about 80 real ones. The text is from a time where a year was based on the moon cycle. Iirc.
All the long lives mentioned in Genesis probably have a numerological meaning that is completely lost to time.
Or. Or. The bible is merely allegorical in these descriptions. Naming individuals rather than larger peoples of the world.
Fun fact:
Genesis is the history of the Jews, not the history of human beings.
So when Cain and Seth (nobody remembers Seth!) were married, they married outside the faith.
Cain’s wife came from Nod. Seth’s wife isn’t really mentioned.
Abel’s wife is not mentioned, he may have been murdered first.
I’m not sure when the Torah was compiled/written, but this fun fact may be related to the other fun fact that the religion that Judaism evolved from was monolatrist or henotheistic. That is, they only worshipped their one god, but unlike modern monotheists they didn’t reject the idea that other gods existed. Much like how a Greek who believes in Zeus and Poseidon might not have any problem believing that Ra and Isis exist, they’re just not “the gods I worship”.
It’s not clear precisely when the early Yahwism transitioned into being monotheistic like they are today. It was probably a fairly gradual process.
You tend to see the switch in the second temple period. At that point, Judaism was heavily influenced by Persian Zoroastrianism, which is expressly monotheist. There may be some pollination in both directions, too.
The cult of Yahweh. Yahweh started as one of the the 70 cananite gods, specifically god of storms and war. The cult of Yahweh believed Yahweh was also El, the head god. The founding of the cult was attributed to Abraham. They built the first temple to him, which was destroyed when they were enslaved. Then in exile it transformed from Yahweh being El to Yahweh being the only god, the full transformation happening with Moses. They go to the promised land, the second temple is built, Rome conqueres the Levant, the messiah arrives and fulfills profecies, dies, jews rebel, the second temple is destroyed, and everyone scatters.
I had some fun coming up with this one, I’m curious how it would resonate with a Jewish person seeing as I’m just a layman:
And it came to pass in the latter days that the remnant of Jacob,
who had been sifted among the nations and tried in the furnace of many kings,
were gathered by the hand of the LORD
from the north country, and from the coasts of the west, and from the valley where bones had been dried by the heat of man’s cruelty.And the LORD set their feet upon the hills of their fathers, and the watchmen again cried from the towers of Zion, and the vineyards were planted, and the fig trees gave forth their fruit. And the people rejoiced, and they said: Surely the LORD has done this, and none shall make us afraid.
But in the days of plenty, the people’s hearts grew fat, and they forgot the covenant, and the law of mercy was no more upon their tongues. They hardened their faces against the stranger and the sojourner, and stretched forth the arm of strength against their neighbors.
Then the word of the LORD came unto His servants, the prophets, saying:
Thus saith the LORD: Remember the house of bondage, and how I bore thee on eagles’ wings out of the furnace of affliction.
Deal justly, love mercy, and walk humbly before thy God, lest the land vomit thee out as it did the nations before thee.But they mocked the messengers of God,
and despised His words, and misused His prophets,
until the wrath of the LORD arose against His inheritance.
And the hedge was broken,
and the enemies came up as a flood from the east and the west,
and the place of the sanctuary was laid waste.
This is the weirdest way to find out where “Kane” and “Nod” come from in command and conquer.
The game hints that Kane is literally the Cain of the Bible.
“Nod” really just means “wandering”. Cain went to the land of wandering around doing shit.
Yeah they refer to them as the sons of God marrying the daughters of man, defined as two different peoples. They also mention the Nephilim, or giants being around as well.
TIL! Thanks for sharing
But then how were Cain’s wife’s ancestors created (in Nod?), if not from Adam? Is there at least one other act of creation? I get if it’s not mentioned, but surely someone has written fanfic to fill in the gaps.
Again, Adam and Eve weren’t the first people, they were the first Jews. It makes more sense if you catch the proper tense of the first line of Genesis:
In Hebrew:
א בְּרֵאשִׁית,
בָּרָא אֱלֹהִים,
אֵת הַשָּׁמַיִם,
וְאֵת הָאָרֶץ.In Latin:
in principio creavit Deus caelum et terram.The English you know:
In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.The English you don’t know:
In the beginning the Gods created the heaven and the earth.Latin picks up the plural correctly. The King James version does not.
So you might ask, well, wait, if there are other Gods and other people, why aren’t they mentioned?
Surprise! They ARE:
Exodus 20:2-3:
"2 I am the Lord thy God, which have brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage.
3 Thou shalt have no other gods before me."
In other words, there ARE other Gods, but I am yours and you are mine and we are all together, goo goo gajoob!
Wait, that’s not right. ;)
in principio creavit Deus caelum et terram.
There is no plural in Latin either. Deus and creavit are both singular.
I may have misremembered the Latin angle, but the Hebrew is solid. From the excellent “Asimov’s Guide to the Bible”:
Asimov is also the guy who makes the “Begats” chapter make sense:
Deus is translating “elohim” which is plural. Note the -im suffix for plurals. Modern Arabic has a similar suffix.
Elohim is frequently translated into a singular form to support monotheism. But it’s definitely not a grammatical construct, like English’s royal we.
Now, plural gods in Genesis 1 do not imply that the Genesis 1 creation only covered Jews. I don’t understand that part.
In any case, I was really asking what modern biblical literalists say to resolve this “Seth picking up a wife in Nod” issue. I’m sure they have some kind of story or explanation, and frequently I find those kind of hilarious.
Roll forward to Exodus 1:1
“1 Now these are the names of the children of Israel, which came into Egypt; every man and his household came with Jacob.”
Genesis - The creation of the people of Israel.
Exodus - The Israelites who went to Egypt.
It’s a throughline.
Wrong… God created the beings in heaven… Angeles etc… he made some princes etc… He made them rule over certain parts of the heaven the earth and so on… god Dosen’t want you worshiping g them he wants to be worshipped that’s why he said you shall have. No other gods before me…
Greatest commandment is Hear O Israel the lord is one god!
Until you get to the Gnostics, who claim that the Jews had been tricked into worshiping one of the lesser gods. Jesus was sent to fix this.
Prove them wrong.
Sparkly vampires
Is this a sneaky VtM reference disguised as a Twilight reference?
