Police closed off a road for two days to investigate a report of a dead body dumped in woods - only to find out it was a discarded sex doll.
Warwickshire Police said it was with “great relief” that the hand and foot spotted poking out of undergrowth turned out to be an inflatable love aid.
The force said it had followed “proper procedure” by sending a forensic pathologist to the woodland near Kineton, and cordoning off a country lane for 31 hours. But the suspected body was actually a “discarded and realistic life-size doll”, a spokesperson added.
Police chief: Alright gents what’ve we got here now.
Officer 1: Well, we recieved a call from a man who spotted a woman’s hand and foot sticking out of some undergrowth in the woods over there [points in general direction]
Police chief: Right, and I see you’ve already cordoned off the area, and called in the forensic pathologist. Excellent. [turns to pathologist] So what else can you tell me about the victim?
Forensic pathologist: What, me? Oh no, I haven’t had a look. Sounds a bit morbid.
Police chief: You didn’t even make sure it was a dead person? What’ve you two been doing here for the last 30 sodding hours?
Officer 1: Well you don’t have to raise your voice. We’re standing right here.
Police chief: I know you’re standing right there, that’s the problem!
Officer 1: I don’t know why you are so angry, Chief. We didn’t do anything!
Police Chief: barely contained panting
Wait, nobody bothered to verify it was someone dead?
That’s the dumb part. You check to see if the body is dead. Jfc.
“No pulse, no breathing, no cranial nerve reflexes – this woman is quite obviously dead.”
