I think the thing to focus on is bothering real people. If a guy jacks it to Yuri, who gives a shit, they’re pictures. Same thing for girls and yaoi. Although I dislike it a bit, guys jacking to irl lesbians (like porn) doesn’t hurt anybody either, and vice versa. It’s when we get into that “harassment of real people” territory where you should be shamed. If you’re a guy being creepy to lesbians/queer people online/irl, you are a disgusting human being who is making others uncomfortable. Same for women who do the same to gay/queer people.

Basically, ethically gooning and having “toxic fetishes” is possible. As long as a foot fetishist doesn’t get hot and bothered around people at a waterpark, nor begs for feet pics from randos in their DMs, who the fuck am I to judge? It’s once you can’t control your fetish around unwilling participants that you get the horny bonk.