Not nearly enough hyperbole in this launch announcement!
"Today, we’re announcing our most ambitious product we’ve ever assembled.
Meet iRock, the most bold design you have experienced to store mass. This innovation from Apple engineers right here in Cupertino, America allows our users to skip across bodies of water, hold open doors, and even be a pet. <drones on for 20 more minutes expound g on the virtues of iRock>.
Next up, iPaper, a revolutionary, breakthrough companion to iRock. It serves as a premium “covering layer” to the iRock user experience, as well as having a vastly superior tactile interface and clean, distraction free design. Of course, creativity and expression is at the very heart of Apple, so iPaper allows customization of the standard crisp, clean and brilliant white. Seriously, look at our stores and our products. Sterile operating room porcelain white is what we prefer. And please don’t touch our products with your dirty, dirty human fingers. Our products are design masterpieces that should be on display in the Lourve, not in your cheeto fingers. Where was I - oh yes - iPaper will change the world with its ability to transform. Now, over to Kevin.
HI, I’m Kevin from Apple’s Transforming Tomorrow’s Reality Today Team (TTRTT for short). We have come up with the greatest new innovation for Apple users yet. Imaging being able to take an object and make it into many smaller objects. Until now, the only way to do that was with a clumsy collection of hard to understand tools from old ways of thinking. At Apple, we only think of new ways to do old things in more complex, expensive ways. And now, with the power of AI built in to every A10 chip, and that chip in every product we sell, everyone can experience increased power usage and data mining. Our latest innovation, iScissors, takes that ability and allows you to integrate more seamlessly than ever before by integrating with iPaper. Thus dynamic powerhouse allows you to unlock your creative potential and _change the world! _
(iScissors not compatible with iRock until v2, eta q3, 2028)
Not nearly enough hyperbole in this launch announcement!
"Today, we’re announcing our most ambitious product we’ve ever assembled.
Meet iRock, the most bold design you have experienced to store mass. This innovation from Apple engineers right here in Cupertino, America allows our users to skip across bodies of water, hold open doors, and even be a pet. <drones on for 20 more minutes expound g on the virtues of iRock>.
Next up, iPaper, a revolutionary, breakthrough companion to iRock. It serves as a premium “covering layer” to the iRock user experience, as well as having a vastly superior tactile interface and clean, distraction free design. Of course, creativity and expression is at the very heart of Apple, so iPaper allows customization of the standard crisp, clean and brilliant white. Seriously, look at our stores and our products. Sterile operating room porcelain white is what we prefer. And please don’t touch our products with your dirty, dirty human fingers. Our products are design masterpieces that should be on display in the Lourve, not in your cheeto fingers. Where was I - oh yes - iPaper will change the world with its ability to transform. Now, over to Kevin.
HI, I’m Kevin from Apple’s Transforming Tomorrow’s Reality Today Team (TTRTT for short). We have come up with the greatest new innovation for Apple users yet. Imaging being able to take an object and make it into many smaller objects. Until now, the only way to do that was with a clumsy collection of hard to understand tools from old ways of thinking. At Apple, we only think of new ways to do old things in more complex, expensive ways. And now, with the power of AI built in to every A10 chip, and that chip in every product we sell, everyone can experience increased power usage and data mining. Our latest innovation, iScissors, takes that ability and allows you to integrate more seamlessly than ever before by integrating with iPaper. Thus dynamic powerhouse allows you to unlock your creative potential and _change the world! _
(iScissors not compatible with iRock until v2, eta q3, 2028)