I’ve been seeing poop in a path which is connected to the gates of my house. This has happened 3 times now over 1 or 2 weeks. When I saw the poop first, I thought it must be a dog. But everytime it dries (every 3 or 4 days), a mysterious pile of new shit is dropped on the old shit. It’s (very) black, very smelly and in the EXACT same spot!! Right on top of the dried shit!! I’m convinced it’s a human being. I’ve decided I’m gonna hide in some bushes nearby and catch them doing the deed. But what do I do then? What if they don’t care and continue doing it? How do I make them regret it without getting into trouble? It’d be nice if they couldn’t tell it’s me.
As someone who’s actually had this problem (in an urban area) and actually solved it, here’s what I did: Changed the shape of my fence so the amount of privacy the serial shitter was afforded was significantly reduced. Changed the position of my gate so that it no longer opened near the convex corner the shitter favored. They found a better spot and moved on.
As someone who’s actually had this problem (in an urban area) and actually solved it
That’s honestly quite remarkable
it was a wild few months
Some sort remote controlled spring trap to fling the poop up onto their butt.
Jump out of the bushes while furiously masturbating. Scream at them to “KEEP GOING I AM ALMOST THERE PINCH OFF THAT HAWT STEAMING LOAF DADDY”. Pretty sure one of two things will happen: Either they freak out, pull up, and high tail it out of there never to be seen again, or they lock eyes with you and maintain that connection through a slight squint and some grunts. Make sure you record it and post this to the internet.
I second this, you gotta out weird them, I suggest covering yourself with peanut butter while doing what they said.
Keep going, I’m almost there
I don’t think it’s possible to outweird someone who shits in public
Skill issue.
Well, we know who’s house we can shit out front of now!
Do you want squirrels? Cause that’s how you get squirrels.
yes, yes I do! I need them for my Squirrel Navy.
one of two things will happen
So both outcomes are a win in this solution.
Sounds like a territorial claim. You should probably do a bigger poop next to theirs in order to assert dominance.
Lawyer here, this is true and it’s very important you get on to this promptly, the law in this area works similarly to trademark claims, it’s a use it or lose it kind of scenario. You might legally own the title to the land but if someone else is laying a claim publicly like this for all to see in such a clear and intentioned manner and you do not respond and defend your claim vigorously and in similar fashion, you may be found to have relinquished that title. Make sure to get lots of fibre.
You observe the poop is literally black, and your conclusion is it must be from a human?
Human poop is black so why not?
No, it is not black.
Only when there’s internal bleeding
Blacker than bear poop?
Can You Go to Jail for Pooping in Public? https://legalclarity.org/can-you-go-to-jail-for-pooping-in-public/
It’s possible for legal consequences if you can get video of them doing it.
How rural is your path? I discovered recently that big fat raccoon poops are very similar to human poops.
No raccoons here
In 2 days time on Ask Lemmy:
There’s some creep hiding in bushes in a path which is connected to the gates of my neighbours house. What do I do??
Do you live in an area with lots of homeless? That seems most likely who would do that. Or some mentally deranged person. Either way, be careful with those types of people.
You could try the photography/videography aspect to bring them to justice or the classic scare and/or beat them with a baseball bat
What’s preventing a person bent on harassing you from coming back another day when you’re not home with a bigger bat? Why the need to incite violence here? There’s so many better ways to sort this, including a frank discussion, practical joke back at the offender and anything in between.
Raccoons like to poop on top of their old dried poop. raccoon poop looks a lot like human poop. especially when more than one animal is using that latrine.
in the forest they often do it where two trails meet.
think about that before jumping out of a bush.
and if it was a raccoon don’t handle that poop please. call animal control.
[edit to add] if you want some nightmares; google ‘pinworm human infection’ and then stay far away from raccoon droppings.
Motion activated sprinkler. Works if it’s human or animal, something like The first result on Amazon, just an example not an endorsement off the particular product
You could buy a toy camera. Pretty sure most people don’t want to shit in front of a camera
Follow them home and shit in front of their house
Take a photo with a flash. Call them a sick bastard and walk away.
If it happens again, post the photo on every street light and sign post around the neighborhood.take a bigger shit on their shit. assert your dominance.
