Especially if your existence is a constant failure… When you own nothing, you have no future, job and no woman wants you (and you still a virgin as an old adult)… Recently I’ve feeling suicidal again, I don’t think I have the courage to do it, which makes this worse,I can’t even stop this from messing with me.
Sorry if you are bothered by this but I’m feeling really rotten. Just… Don’t tell me to get help, that’s not a possibility. I’m getting tired of just waking up alive.
When you are in better mental state consider studying some existential philosophy.
Otherwise, without improving your immidiate mental and financial conditions this is hard road to be on.
Point being over coming these issue is the crux of life. However, the regime ordered modern life in a such way that people start with varying degree of difficulty and sad reality that many people will never break out as current trend is more poverty and more mental health issues. So if you starting spot is shite or you got rockef by a life time event, you are trying to move a mountain.
With that said, either you yry help yourself and achieve some reasonable degree of comfort or not. Not much else.
But mental health start there, it takes a while. Finding peace in current conditions has to serve as foundation to be able to achieve a degree of economic security.
If you have a good friend, trying chatting with them but come into with a new approach hear them out let them poke some holes in your choices etc. Be adult. Make sure friend has good intentions and is competent enough to be an advisor.
Religion as last resort but you have to understand that it is just another shiti institution like a corporation… So got get yours and don’t get sucked into it.