Happened to me way too often as a kid (from other kids, never my family), and I’ve only just now begun to realize it’s why I feel such embarrassment if I ever allow myself to get excited/show excitement. God forbid I ever let myself get animated, I end up laying in bed every night for literal weeks afterwards replaying it through some fucked up filter that just gets worse and worse until I’m convinced I’ve humiliated myself irrevocably, and I stop interacting with other humans for a long time. The only places I can allow myself to be excited/animated are online and with my family.
Recently went to visit a friend and ended up getting positively hyped while helping one of his friends build a rube goldberg machine. Friend I went to visit ended up having a medical episode, and mentioned in his drugged up state that he was a little jealous of how quickly I and his friend hit it off, and I still haven’t recovered. Me and rube goldberg machine guy really clicked, but I haven’t been able to bring myself to even text the guy because I can’t get past the embarrassment of it. Friend I visited said it was like watching Romeo and Juliet meet.
To live is to cringe. There really is no antidote.
What happened to, um… JoCat? So many people were mad about the girls animation that they bullied him off the internet for a bit, and only after he was gone were they like “I agree with the cartoon, I just don’t like people knowing that about me.”
If you don’t mind me asking, what do you find embarrassing about building a sick-ass fuckin’ rube goldberg machine? I really can’t imagine somebody doing that without joy.
Building the machine wasn’t embarrassing, getting all animated and excited around other humans was embarrassing. I know it isn’t. I know that isn’t normal. I don’t know why I have that reaction later on, other than when I was a kid other kids made fun of me whenever I did. Like, if I ever got excited and hyper or something other kids would laugh and make comments about I was fat and it I moved around I’d jiggle. Shit like that. It made me end up with basically the mindset that I need to be stoic all the fucking time unless I’m very close to someone. The friend I visited has been one of my best for 20 years (online/phone), and his friend and I clicked so fast that my barriers sort of dropped unexpectedly, and I ended up getting really excited and animated. Basically I leave situations like that feeling like I’ve made a fool of myself. A fat, ugly fool.
Well, I’m sure you know there’s no getting out of this prison without banging at the walls, right? :p I only learned to sing by challenging myself to be uncomfortable.
Do you find that it’s easier if you talk to people later and they’re like “no, I didn’t think anything was weird; it was a joy to be around you!” or is it like a “your brain wouldn’t believe them anyway” kind of thing?
Happened to me way too often as a kid (from other kids, never my family), and I’ve only just now begun to realize it’s why I feel such embarrassment if I ever allow myself to get excited/show excitement. God forbid I ever let myself get animated, I end up laying in bed every night for literal weeks afterwards replaying it through some fucked up filter that just gets worse and worse until I’m convinced I’ve humiliated myself irrevocably, and I stop interacting with other humans for a long time. The only places I can allow myself to be excited/animated are online and with my family.
Recently went to visit a friend and ended up getting positively hyped while helping one of his friends build a rube goldberg machine. Friend I went to visit ended up having a medical episode, and mentioned in his drugged up state that he was a little jealous of how quickly I and his friend hit it off, and I still haven’t recovered. Me and rube goldberg machine guy really clicked, but I haven’t been able to bring myself to even text the guy because I can’t get past the embarrassment of it. Friend I visited said it was like watching Romeo and Juliet meet.
To live is to cringe. There really is no antidote.
What happened to, um… JoCat? So many people were mad about the girls animation that they bullied him off the internet for a bit, and only after he was gone were they like “I agree with the cartoon, I just don’t like people knowing that about me.”
If you don’t mind me asking, what do you find embarrassing about building a sick-ass fuckin’ rube goldberg machine? I really can’t imagine somebody doing that without joy.
Building the machine wasn’t embarrassing, getting all animated and excited around other humans was embarrassing. I know it isn’t. I know that isn’t normal. I don’t know why I have that reaction later on, other than when I was a kid other kids made fun of me whenever I did. Like, if I ever got excited and hyper or something other kids would laugh and make comments about I was fat and it I moved around I’d jiggle. Shit like that. It made me end up with basically the mindset that I need to be stoic all the fucking time unless I’m very close to someone. The friend I visited has been one of my best for 20 years (online/phone), and his friend and I clicked so fast that my barriers sort of dropped unexpectedly, and I ended up getting really excited and animated. Basically I leave situations like that feeling like I’ve made a fool of myself. A fat, ugly fool.
Our brains suck sometimes
Hm. Yeah, that’s a deep well to climb out of.
Well, I’m sure you know there’s no getting out of this prison without banging at the walls, right? :p I only learned to sing by challenging myself to be uncomfortable.
Do you find that it’s easier if you talk to people later and they’re like “no, I didn’t think anything was weird; it was a joy to be around you!” or is it like a “your brain wouldn’t believe them anyway” kind of thing?