Respectfully, I think the inverse is true. A kid is going to use the words anyway, all you’re doing by trying to prevent them from using them is signaling that you aren’t a safe person for them to be themselves around.
Teaching my kid not to use certain words sometimes was easy and went something like this: “Some people (like grandpa and when you’re at school) don’t like to hear words like ‘fuck’, and it’s good to be nice to people, so if you aren’t sure whether someone wants to hear ‘fuck’ then try to avoid it.”
Also kids learn to rhyme words around preschool and will invent the bad words anyway while babbling away. Most people give them a pass on this I think though.
We let our son know when he found words that aren’t appropriate for public use both when he “made them up” and when he heard people using it in songs or other people talking, or mom and dad in traffic occasionally.
He got the concept right away, but he’s also a great kid who wants please most of the time, especially at school or in public.
i’m in favour of vilifying a tiny set of words, not because i dislike them, but because in a way that vilification gives them power
if “fuck” is bascially a comma in someone’s vocabulary it’s not going to surprise anyone when they say it
but someone who’s quiet and never swears will immediately turn heads even if they mumble it under their nose, and that’s the sort of emotional response i want others to feel when they hear a swear word
by using “bad words” sparingly they gain the juicy weight, they gain an ability to convey heavy emotions without having to result to poetry
i tell stories and like having multiple tools in my arsenal to draw out the emotions i want. i don’t need to shock people with bad words to get the message i want across, in the same way i don’t need to add any spices to my food to make it edible. but in both cases i find that a little is much better than a lot
besides, the contents of what you say is often just as important as how you say it, which words you use and when affect the way your core message is understood. the easiest example is immigrant vs expat, same meaning, but one of those words, for some reason, makes a lot of people lose their minds
I disagree. It’s way easier to talk how I normally talk and teach the kids about it than it is to censor myself at all times and teach them something that I know I won’t do and they won’t do for long.
children lack the understanding of social contexts, and if you try to tell them “you can say those words at home, but not in other places” you’ll be hit with the “why” and if you don’t provide a good enough answer be prepared to be called by the kid’s school about their language
it’s fine to let the kids swear once they understand they shouldn’t do things like cuss at figures of authority. Because you do not want to have your kid suddently say “what does this fucker want again?” when you’re trying to deescalate a conflict with someone who has more power than you in a situation
I think you’re underestimating children and how they learn. I’ve seen this in practice and it works fine. It’s taught at an age appropriate level and in a way that they get.
I’m more than happy with the why questions, it’s why I won’t be a hypocrite, I need to be honest and true. If I can’t explain why I’ll explain why I can’t explain and we have a discussion. You might be surprised at how great they are with that.
My kids understood different contexts around four or five. Every kid is different of course, but the explanation for why we don’t swear in public was just “it makes some people really uncomfortable, so we don’t use those words in public to be nice to them”.
They still slip up once in a while, but hell, so do I!
I mostly agree, but it’s way easier to teach a kid not to swear at all, than to teach them about when it’s appropriate and when it isn’t.
Respectfully, I think the inverse is true. A kid is going to use the words anyway, all you’re doing by trying to prevent them from using them is signaling that you aren’t a safe person for them to be themselves around.
Teaching my kid not to use certain words sometimes was easy and went something like this: “Some people (like grandpa and when you’re at school) don’t like to hear words like ‘fuck’, and it’s good to be nice to people, so if you aren’t sure whether someone wants to hear ‘fuck’ then try to avoid it.”
Also kids learn to rhyme words around preschool and will invent the bad words anyway while babbling away. Most people give them a pass on this I think though.
We let our son know when he found words that aren’t appropriate for public use both when he “made them up” and when he heard people using it in songs or other people talking, or mom and dad in traffic occasionally.
He got the concept right away, but he’s also a great kid who wants please most of the time, especially at school or in public.
Same - mine pushes every boundary with me and learns safely. Then he goes out in the world not being a dick. Its incredible.
In this case it seems the kid got it right.
Or do away with forcing future generations to vilify a tiny set of words just because.
The word Fuck is basically an exclamation mark now.
i’m in favour of vilifying a tiny set of words, not because i dislike them, but because in a way that vilification gives them power
if “fuck” is bascially a comma in someone’s vocabulary it’s not going to surprise anyone when they say it
but someone who’s quiet and never swears will immediately turn heads even if they mumble it under their nose, and that’s the sort of emotional response i want others to feel when they hear a swear word
by using “bad words” sparingly they gain the juicy weight, they gain an ability to convey heavy emotions without having to result to poetry
Your argument is that you want a quickly-depreciating gimmick just to turn heads the first few times?
Make the content of your speech what gives your speech power, irrespective of which words you use.
If your speech needs shock value to get people’s attention, people probably shouldn’t pay attention to it.
i tell stories and like having multiple tools in my arsenal to draw out the emotions i want. i don’t need to shock people with bad words to get the message i want across, in the same way i don’t need to add any spices to my food to make it edible. but in both cases i find that a little is much better than a lot
besides, the contents of what you say is often just as important as how you say it, which words you use and when affect the way your core message is understood. the easiest example is immigrant vs expat, same meaning, but one of those words, for some reason, makes a lot of people lose their minds
I disagree. It’s way easier to talk how I normally talk and teach the kids about it than it is to censor myself at all times and teach them something that I know I won’t do and they won’t do for long.
children lack the understanding of social contexts, and if you try to tell them “you can say those words at home, but not in other places” you’ll be hit with the “why” and if you don’t provide a good enough answer be prepared to be called by the kid’s school about their language
it’s fine to let the kids swear once they understand they shouldn’t do things like cuss at figures of authority. Because you do not want to have your kid suddently say “what does this fucker want again?” when you’re trying to deescalate a conflict with someone who has more power than you in a situation
I think you’re underestimating children and how they learn. I’ve seen this in practice and it works fine. It’s taught at an age appropriate level and in a way that they get.
I’m more than happy with the why questions, it’s why I won’t be a hypocrite, I need to be honest and true. If I can’t explain why I’ll explain why I can’t explain and we have a discussion. You might be surprised at how great they are with that.
you said the same thing as me “age appropriate level” = “once the child can udnerstand contexts”. so i don’t get how i’m underestimating children here
my point was how not all answers will be good, or even if they are good, won’t be accepted by a kid, i’d rather wait until i’m sure they understand
Age appropriate is all levels, there’s no waiting. The swearing is there as normal, the explanation is age appropriate.
The child doesn’t have to accept the explanation , there just need to keep learning the boundaries, which is a large part of what growing up is.
My kids understood different contexts around four or five. Every kid is different of course, but the explanation for why we don’t swear in public was just “it makes some people really uncomfortable, so we don’t use those words in public to be nice to them”.
They still slip up once in a while, but hell, so do I!