i had a dude walk up to me and say “never just take unsolicited advice”

possibly the best advice i ever got. total mindfuck though

Nothing that crazy I guess, but two events I remember:

• A small fire broke out next to the tracks and the train driver actually stopped the train and got out to extinguish it

• A train busker played so loudly and terribly that a group of random passengers got together to shove him out of the train at the next station.

I was sat opposite a woman who had a grocery bag filled to the brim with crisps packets, or so it seemed. She started out just munching on crisps, mouth fully open, shoving her hands in there. She emptied two packs in between two stops (metro). Efficient.

When she had enough she started rumaging frantically through her bag for a solid 20 seconds, and then triumphantly dug out a can of whipped cream (squirty cream format for my UK friends), opened it, and just emptied the whole thing in her mouth in one go!

It was in France, of all fucking places.

Once an old guy asked me to hold the door for him when the train stops so he can stand up and get out. I did but he took very long to stand up so I instinctively went to help him, the door closed and the train went on. So we both excited at the next stop and wanted to get the train back. It was the worst possible stop because the walk was crazy long and the old guy crazy slow. Me being way too helpful, I walked with him and he told me about how his family never visits him anymore and all kinds of trouble in his life, while one train after the other passed by. Eventually we arrived on the other side, got back to the original stop and exited. I escorted him to a taxi. He was very thankful for the adventure and I was a few hours late to work.

Idk if this counts as crazy but one day a guy went up to me and said “hey I’m about to smoke meth. Its probably going to smell so you can change seats if you want to.” And then I did and that was basically it.

On the NYC subway a guy was taking up two seats, he pulls out a notebook and starts (screaming) reading from it. It was all about some conspiracy that got him kicked out of Columbia University. People started moving away from him. At the next stop a guy gets on the train and says to “hey psycho you really need two seats” the crazy guy slides over freeing up one of the seats and then goes back to yelling.

I watched a guy chug a bottle of orange Listerine, ramble incoherently for ten minutes, then proceed to have uncontrollable diarrhea all over the seat before getting off the train.

A woman jumped while I was waiting for the train at my home station. It wasn’t pretty…

I watched a lady bring a small dead bird in a ziploc onto the Metro in Montreal and then proceed to pluck its feathers onto the floor.

and we aren’t talking about your game hen or a quail here or something. I’m lalking about a fucking sparrow or something like that.

In Halifax, two teenage girls talking on the bus. One girl was describing how her boyfriend fucks her. Very graphic.

I bumped into a friend who is cop in the British Transport Police at a station while he was working. While I was there somehow a happy-drunk guy fell between a train and the platform and got stuck. That’s not the crazy part.

The crazy part is the four separate people who all ended up getting arrested because they attacked my friend and the other responders trying to free the stuck man - physically kicking and trying to drag them away - because he/they wouldn’t order the train to leave the station and it was making them late. Four separate people, all apparently sober, all absolute psychopaths who would happily see someone mangled by a train so they wouldn’t be inconvenienced, and so utterly convinced of their righteousness that they were prepared to physically attack police officers and paramedics.

I was later told this is pretty normal when there’s a “one under”: aside from the person who fell getting injured or dying, the biggest immediate problem is a handful of narcissistic cunts who interpret the whole thing as some kind of personal insult. It really shook me that anyone could be like that.

Back when I was in college I road the bus every day. Nothing even remotely as crazy as most of the comments here describing happened that I witnessed on those hundreds of bus rides There was the dude wearing a parka when the heat index was over 100, or the guy weeping holding a bouquet while heading into a residential area and those are honestly not that interesting because shit happens but I do have one story:

One fairly quiet bus ride I was seated in some of the sideways seats near the front and a lady seated across from me was reading a newspaper. My eyes are drifting as I’m listening to a podcast and suddenly I realize on the front of the paper this lady is reading is a photo of my dad. I asked her “excuse me, could I look at that paper quickly? That’s a photo of my dad there and I want to see what he’s been up to to get in the paper but hasn’t told me” and it turns out he helped run a Wikipedia edit-a-thon event at a local library to help encourage new contributors.

In addition to some junkie/alkie shenanigans I saw an immigrant started praying on his Muslim mat in front of the train doors. Dude started raving when someone stepped on his mat trying to get out. I remember everyone just looking around confused over the idiocy of it all

A very intoxicated man explained at length to my friend and me that we should stay in school instead of dropping out to join the military like he did. He wasn’t wrong.

Guy getting mad at the conductor for calling him sir because only a priest can be called that…