Lol. Neither of them are assholes. He decided to stick around for 5 years. He wants her to quit, she probably wants him to be more accepting. He could have left 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 year ago given that he’s upset she’s not trying hard enough.
People smoke for all kinds of reasons. Her dad’s death could’ve triggered some intense mental health issues. You don’t know. Who’s to say she didn’t try a few times?
She’s not an asshole lmao, she’s struggling with addiction and likely mental health issues. Neither is he for having these boundaries. It’s up to him to just leave.
This issue isn’t rising to the point of leaving. There is nothing in the world that would make me leave her. I disapprove of her decision to keep smoking. I am disappointed that she knows how to quit and refuses to do so again. There is definitely an issue here, but at the end of the day I can’t and won’t force her to do anything. I am definitely not without my faults too. It pisses me off, but I’m not going to go all high horse on her.
But honestly, I don’t know what to do about it. I do have a low level resentment about it, but we really do have a great relationship otherwise.
Roll over. Do nothing. Accept that your wife is an addict and doesn’t care enough about you to even try to quit smoking when you’ve made it an issue.
Pester her to quit.
Ask for couples therapy.
Seperate/Divorce
Those are literally your only options. You do nothing or you do something. In either case, you’ve got to address it if you want to do anything about it.
We really do have a great relationship otherwise
Do you? You said that you wouldn’t have married a smoker and you still refuse to. She is relying on a crutch that is killing her and causing harm to your own health. You’ve asked her to do something about it. She won’t. This isn’t like her passtime is knitting or something. It’s a money sink that is detrimental to the health of everyone involved and everyone around it. She’s more willing to poison herself than even consider quitting. Is it really a great relationship if someone isn’t willing to change to protect themselves, their health and your health?
She spent 5 years without attempting to make headway on something that is disgusting, makes the area smell disgusting, makes her smell disgusting, will stain skin and teeth, harms her and reduces her life span, harms her partner and reduces his lifepan when he DOESN’T CONSENT, and harms their relationship. She is UNQUESTIONABLY an asshole. You do not have a leg to stand on. Your arguments are just “Oh but she might need it to cope.”
I don’t care.
She is an addict and is refusing to budge. As someone who went from a pack every two days to nothing, and as someone who went from drinking half a pint of vodka everyday to nothing, I can categorically say she is an asshole. If she is outright refusing, as OP said, then she is in the wrong. She is choosing addiction over her relationship. She’s not just an asshole. She’s a horrible person and her love for OP is genuinely questionable.
You do not get a pass from being an asshole simply because you have an addiction. At first? Sure. But she has been doing it for 5 YEARS and after being talked to about it she’s doing nothing. She no longer gets the umbrella of empathy for her addiction and she should be called out for it. She’s being selfish and putting her own wants over the health of everyone involved.
This isn’t a very nice comment. This user is calling the other person’s wife a horrible person and questioning her love for him. This is pretty rude and out of place. He is adamant on arguing that someone’s wife is horrible and an asshole. He is being completely dismissive of people with mental health problems statistically having trouble with cigarettes and is putting them all under a judgmental blanket. Enormous amount of negativity here. He is not being nice.
ill remove any comments that involve two or more commenters being rude to one another, im not going to remove comments where somebody expresses their opinion on somebody who isnt even here.
They’re being bigoted and you know it. The world needs more compassion, not less. My comment you deleted was in response to not only this extreme lack of compassion but the encouragement that nobody, including the woman’s husband, should be compassionate to people like that woman. Somehow my comment was worse. Ok, I guess.
the thing is the original commenter was asking for feedback in a “am i the asshole” format, in that case its perfectly acceptable to make judgements on character because it was asked for. however you dont get to call other commenters assholes because you disagree with them.
Next you’ll be telling depressed people to just brighten up and anxious overeaters to just eat less. In your childish view of the world where either one person is an asshole or the other must be, with zero nuance, it wouldn’t surprise me.
She’s not an asshole. Maybe they’re not a good match. But just because he tells her she needs to quit something that’s notoriously difficult to quit and she doesn’t do it, it doesn’t mean she’s an asshole.
If you want me to go away try to not engaging in further discussion lmao.
Lol. Neither of them are assholes. He decided to stick around for 5 years. He wants her to quit, she probably wants him to be more accepting. He could have left 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 year ago given that he’s upset she’s not trying hard enough.
People smoke for all kinds of reasons. Her dad’s death could’ve triggered some intense mental health issues. You don’t know. Who’s to say she didn’t try a few times?
She’s not an asshole lmao, she’s struggling with addiction and likely mental health issues. Neither is he for having these boundaries. It’s up to him to just leave.
This issue isn’t rising to the point of leaving. There is nothing in the world that would make me leave her. I disapprove of her decision to keep smoking. I am disappointed that she knows how to quit and refuses to do so again. There is definitely an issue here, but at the end of the day I can’t and won’t force her to do anything. I am definitely not without my faults too. It pisses me off, but I’m not going to go all high horse on her.
But honestly, I don’t know what to do about it. I do have a low level resentment about it, but we really do have a great relationship otherwise.
Roll over. Do nothing. Accept that your wife is an addict and doesn’t care enough about you to even try to quit smoking when you’ve made it an issue.
Pester her to quit.
Ask for couples therapy.
Seperate/Divorce
Those are literally your only options. You do nothing or you do something. In either case, you’ve got to address it if you want to do anything about it.
Do you? You said that you wouldn’t have married a smoker and you still refuse to. She is relying on a crutch that is killing her and causing harm to your own health. You’ve asked her to do something about it. She won’t. This isn’t like her passtime is knitting or something. It’s a money sink that is detrimental to the health of everyone involved and everyone around it. She’s more willing to poison herself than even consider quitting. Is it really a great relationship if someone isn’t willing to change to protect themselves, their health and your health?
She spent 5 years without attempting to make headway on something that is disgusting, makes the area smell disgusting, makes her smell disgusting, will stain skin and teeth, harms her and reduces her life span, harms her partner and reduces his lifepan when he DOESN’T CONSENT, and harms their relationship. She is UNQUESTIONABLY an asshole. You do not have a leg to stand on. Your arguments are just “Oh but she might need it to cope.”
I don’t care.
She is an addict and is refusing to budge. As someone who went from a pack every two days to nothing, and as someone who went from drinking half a pint of vodka everyday to nothing, I can categorically say she is an asshole. If she is outright refusing, as OP said, then she is in the wrong. She is choosing addiction over her relationship. She’s not just an asshole. She’s a horrible person and her love for OP is genuinely questionable.
You do not get a pass from being an asshole simply because you have an addiction. At first? Sure. But she has been doing it for 5 YEARS and after being talked to about it she’s doing nothing. She no longer gets the umbrella of empathy for her addiction and she should be called out for it. She’s being selfish and putting her own wants over the health of everyone involved.
@erotador@lemmy.blahaj.zone
This isn’t a very nice comment. This user is calling the other person’s wife a horrible person and questioning her love for him. This is pretty rude and out of place. He is adamant on arguing that someone’s wife is horrible and an asshole. He is being completely dismissive of people with mental health problems statistically having trouble with cigarettes and is putting them all under a judgmental blanket. Enormous amount of negativity here. He is not being nice.
ill remove any comments that involve two or more commenters being rude to one another, im not going to remove comments where somebody expresses their opinion on somebody who isnt even here.
They’re being bigoted and you know it. The world needs more compassion, not less. My comment you deleted was in response to not only this extreme lack of compassion but the encouragement that nobody, including the woman’s husband, should be compassionate to people like that woman. Somehow my comment was worse. Ok, I guess.
the thing is the original commenter was asking for feedback in a “am i the asshole” format, in that case its perfectly acceptable to make judgements on character because it was asked for. however you dont get to call other commenters assholes because you disagree with them.
Removed by mod
Your submission in “no smoking rule” was removed for be nice -erotador.
What? Ok. Can you delete the other guy’s aggressive comments too, then? Especially the one where he calls me pathetic? Thanks.
Removed by mod
Next you’ll be telling depressed people to just brighten up and anxious overeaters to just eat less. In your childish view of the world where either one person is an asshole or the other must be, with zero nuance, it wouldn’t surprise me.
She’s not an asshole. Maybe they’re not a good match. But just because he tells her she needs to quit something that’s notoriously difficult to quit and she doesn’t do it, it doesn’t mean she’s an asshole.
If you want me to go away try to not engaging in further discussion lmao.
Are you 12?
k
Some people cope by smoking, others are chronically online sad assholes. Choose your vice, I suppose.