I have a few.
Camera shuttering sounds. I don’t need to hear your camera, dude. Yeah I know most porn is produced and exploited but, don’t need to hit it home doing this. Here is what I don’t get, why not use inexpensive drone cameras to take footage or take shots? Who the fuck needs stupid people doing it?
Cameramen muffled or hearing. I don’t need to hear you either. I don’t give a fuck if you’re enjoying it, just shut the hell up.
Sped-up previews or even sped-up videos because reasons? It just takes me out of the immersion, if there were any to be had.
Exaggerated sounds and moans. “UNNHHH!” “AHHH!!” “HNNN!” “OOOOOO!” slrshrlshlp splsplslspl moist sounds Just fucking mute it. Don’t watch porn for audio.
Seeing that guy in a scene. You know, that awkward fucking guy who is part of the scene who just idly stands there just jerking off all like “nhhn yeah hrrr yeah oh so into this” I want a series of porn videos, where it is just beating that guy down.
Fauxcest. It didn’t use to be so prolific.
Go real or go home, bro!
I will vomit directly into your eyeballs
Don’t threaten me with a good time.
Production value.
I’ll take a video recorded by a married couple with an iPhone over a bunch of fake people in a fake scenario faking how much fun they are having.
I would have no problem with pornographic sex scenes in properly produced films, with a proper script and everything. But I have no interest in professional production values if all it brings is better lighting and a ton of makeup and fake moans.
I’ll generalize to say that what you’re looking for is a genuine connection between the performers. It not only shows better consent on set (it’s hard to break consent and still have a genuine connection), but it’s just better in general. This doesn’t always happen in amateur porn, but it’s more likely. It does happen at larger studios, but they usually have to be run better.
One thing that I think Kink dot com pioneered was showing an out of character interview with the performers ahead of time. Adulttime has picked this up as well. They sometimes cut it for the versions that go on tube sites (either shortening it or removing it altogether), and I think that forms part of the argument that, yes, you should pay for porn if it’s within your means. If you like something coming out of a studio on a tube site, they probably have a lot more of it that doesn’t even show up outside their pay site.
And ass warts. Don’t forget about that.
Anything that comes across as fake, but especially long fake nails or in fact long nails of any kind. Please don’t put those near any sensitive spots.
I say “comes across as” because all porn involves performance. It’s about believability, not authenticity, at the end of the day.
Face slapping, choking, any kind of violent nonsense. I hate it so much…
And when the people won’t shut the fuck up for two minutes…
I second
When the guy talks nonstop through the whole video. If that’s your thing then go for it and enjoy but it just makes the whole thing difficult to enjoy for me. The guy always sounds like some neckbeard who is getting laid for the first time in his life and thinks he’s supposed to recite every cringe line from every bad porn he’s ever seen. You’re not who I’m here for dude 🤮
There’s one particular video I’ve always had in mind. It’s with a Czech actress who variously went by Nella, Jackie, or Jana. She mostly did lesbian and solo porn (and was big in the early days of Sapphic Erotica), but there is one MF video she did.
There was a guy behind the camera with a cigar who would not shut the fuck up through the whole scene. The guy she was actually fucking for the scene seemed fine, but the camera/director/producer/whatever needed to leave. There’s a point where she looks like she’s about to come while also wanting to punch the guy in the neck. You can’t help but think that this scene was why she only did scenes solo or with other women from then on.
I bet there’s actually a market for videos of women beating up cameramen
non consensual scenarios. i know it’s all acting, but it’s a turnoff for me, and kind of disturbs me that people get off on rape fantasies
Pulling that stupid ahegao face. I don’t know who that’s for, but it’s definitely not me.
It’s for coomers and people who fantasize about lolis who call underaged-drawn female characters their ‘waifu’.
And it should damn well be a kinkshame because of that kind of connection.
OH NO! THE LOLI DEFENDERS WERE REPLYING!
There’s not really any loli connections besides it being related to hentai.
The face actually started in live action Japanese porn in the 1990s.
What do you base this broad assumption on?
Ahegao
When I forget my bluetooth is connected to something else in another room. Where is the volume? Then I panic.
Always turn off Bluetooth on your phone when not in use.
In addition to not letting the rest of the house listen to your porn, it helps with overall security as well.
Yeah, one of the many things I love about GrapheneOS is how Wifi and Bluetooth turn themselves off by default after a certain amount of time not being in use.
Then I panic.
This seems like an appropriate reaction.
Funny thing, samsung decided it’s not important if your phone is connected to headphones or not. So they hid the bluethooth symbol from the status bar.
Truly baffling decision. This will be my last samsung phone.
ALSO why does no device support disabeling auto connect for specific bluetooth devices.
I watch a movie on my phone and my dad turns on a bluetooth speaker. It steals the audio from my phone and blasts it around the house.
Fake moaning. Fake dirty talk
Jackhammer fucking. I dont want to see some woman have her cervix be pile drived into the ground.
The view from behind where we get to see some ugly dudes fucking hairy balls dangling.
Are some of my top ones, but honestly I dont like professional porn in general. Its just so fake.
I’d rather watch a grainy video of a couple amatures absolutely loving what their doing, than watch some stuff terrible play acting profesional porn in 4k.
You managed to nail about every peeve of mine in one short comment. Bravo.
Just curious, is your comment about fake moaning and fake dirty talk apply to every single video or do some actually do ok?
The only ones I’ve seen do it okay, are the amature videos that arent faking it.
but I have not watched every porn ever produced, so I’m sure there are some out there where the faking isnt miserable and bad.
See, I watch gay porn, so that under view with balls is actually super hot. Lol. And I quite like the pile driving/jackhammer fucking in real life, so that doesn’t bother me, either. But I don’t like professional porn, I like amateur stuff. And the fake moaning suuuuucks
if we’re talking specifically about dick and ball focus… I want my dick and balls to be cute, and shaved, if i’m gonna be looking at them. I dont want to feel like i’m watching Sasquatches sex tape lol
That’s a fair point. Lol. I do prefer shaved, or at least trimmed, but in porn I don’t mind hairy so much. I don’t care for it in real life when it’s in my mouth, though. Hairy balls are unpleasant in the mouth
Anytime the girl says shit like, “Oh yeah baby do you like fucking my pussy!? Does my little pussy feel so good!?”
STOP IT. STOP. IT. PLEASE. UUUUUGH. So not appealing.
When the guy keeps fucking the uglier of the two girls and the pretty one is just kinda sitting there.
When the girl doesn’t even get full naked. You’ve been fucking for almost an hour, why is your top still on? I wanna see your tiddies already!
No story or talking or setup at all.
When a girl is keening/moaning for no reason. She’s not being touched, or anything, yet she’s super loud. Breaks the willing suspense of disbelief.
slapping. no idea why that is so prevalent. I swear im not looking for it.
And spitting into mouths. And onto dicks. I mean if you’re doing a whole degradation thing then fine. Not going to say it’s never hot, but if it’s just sex between two people and not hate fucking, count me out. Also throat fucking until they either puke or just snot comes out of everywhere.
And if you’re going to do degradation, I need a pre- and post-sex interview of the bottom (edit: I originally said girl, but that’s just how I roll, same would apply in reverse—I’m just not excited by femdom) saying how they are into it/loved it. Degradation with full consent and proper aftercare can be hot but I rarely see that. I think there’s like one company that does it right. (And no I don’t remember the company because frankly I don’t watch all the much porn these days. That company might’ve gone under a decade ago for all I know.)
usually, cumming
Obviously fake noises and high pitched voices. Just talk at normal volumes and make moans and grunts and other non-performative noises, thanks.
Yes, I know that even doing that is performative to a degree, but convincingly realistic is better than B movie performances.
