.
Dinner.
Frozen or take them out. Take the family out. A gift certificate to a local restaurant.
You can almost never go wrong with food. It’s exhausting for someone to have to figure out food for a family every day of the week.
This is the one.
People tend to express care in the ways that they would like to receive it.
Do you notice your friend giving gifts to other people? Maybe instead, she does small acts of kindness, or maybe she compliments people freely? Sometimes it’s as simple as quality time.
When someone is going through a tough time, they might feel very alone. Offering to listen without trying to solve the problem (trust me, they’ve already thought of all the options) is such a generous act.
I kinda rambled… hopefully that makes sense and good luck. You’re a good friend.
I know what you mean. She wouldn’t like most gifts because she seems to not want to be the center of attention or feel like someone needs to give her special treatment.
I don’t notice her really doing any of those things you mention, to be honest. She just generally acts like a super kind person. When it was my birthday she bought me a slice of cake which was nice though and gave me a little note.
In order to avoid making anyone feel uncomfortable or singled out, I used to bring in donuts when I noticed that one of my coworkers was having a rough go. That way they were for everyone and no one would feel like I’m singling them out.
But since the one in the OP has diabetes, I can’t do that anymore and there’s not a good substitute for something like that. I’ve been at a loss ever since.
When it was my birthday she bought me a slice of cake which was nice though and gave me a little note.
Sounds like a small gift + a card/note might be a good idea then.
I would suggest something simple like a coffee card, but if you want to be mindful of caffeine intake for pregnant women then maybe an alternative like a box of caffeine-free tea that’s soothing and calming? Or perhaps aromatherapy in the same vein if she’s not allergic to scents?
Moms with small children are stressful enough on a good day let alone going through rough times, something soothing can hopefully make her day more endurable.
Plus a get well card(or something appropriate for the event) with a short hand-written note can go a long way.
You both sound like wonderful people.
Flowers
Sugar free candy?
🧸
Case of favorite sparkling water
I dunno I’m spit ballin here
Flowers. Even a cheap bunch from the grocery looks nice for several days and reminds you that someone thought of you.
Food is love.
My vote is for hot soup.
Yes but cookies
Play Lego with the kids while she goes for a nap or walk.
You know it’s funny…
Most people I know who have had kids want a break from them now and then. But she’s the opposite. Every moment of free time she likes to spend from her kids and doesn’t like to be away from them to do things by herself (even self-care related things) for any reason. I think she probably wishes she didn’t have to work full time so she could be with them more.
Maybe you could get her something she can enjoy with the kids, like a board game or something.
Is she a tea-drinker? Maybe a bag of some really nice tea from a proper tea shop, herbal or otherwise. My experience is that tea drinkers really appreciate a nice artisan-style brew. It’s an understated but thoughtful gesture.
When my wife is in a bad mood I try handing her random objects like a stick from outside. [Wife] you can’t be mad, you now have an anti-grumpy stick
*I swear this actually works. We are a strange couple
I can’t read the original text, so I’m mostly replying to your edit.
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Doing something nice isn’t an asshole move
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Doing nothing isn’t an asshole move
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It’s not a lose-lose scenario
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You’re not an asshole
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This planet is better with you on it
Okay now that I’ve got the obvious stuff out of the way, DON’T LISTEN TO THE HATERS! The vast amount of replies were positive and encouraging. You obviously edited your post, which is a bit of an overreaction, but I get it. I’m sensitive too and I genuinely think it’s a good thing (mostly when I see that quality in others 🤷♂️). Empathetic people like you literally improve the world, for everyone. But ignore the bitter people who do the opposite and want everyone else to be miserable too. Even if you had no impact, you should do good things because they are true and pure and worth it, no matter how the recipient responds and no matter how other people view it. They’ll also make you feel good! Just keep being you…
Sorry, I know it was a bit ridiculous for me to do but I know I’m ridiculous person. I guess I just have a bit of a sore spot for people putting me down when I’m truly and legitimately trying my best. When I’m not trying my best, it’s one thing, but when I am, then I go haywire.
Wouldn’t you agree though that all acts are inherently selfish? If I do something and it makes me feel good, doesn’t that make it selfish and make me an asshole?
These other commentors are right in that anything would probably make her uncomfortable. So I will likely continue to take inaction. But wouldn’t you agree that not taking action and not trying to be nice and kind also makes me an asshole?
So there is no winning. The only way to win would be to not know any other humans or to remove oneself from the equation entirely. It’s difficult to do as a social animal. But that is what would be best for the world, no? If all I am doing is causing harm to others then it would be helpful to the world to remove oneself from the situation, no?
Even by me editing the post, I am causing harm. I caused harm to and manipulated you into responding to the post in sympathy. Is that not the case? Do you not see how deplorable and evil that action is? Can you not agree that my existence is evil and every action I do causes harm to other human beings? I am harming you now as you read this. You do not deserve it, yet I continue to do so because I am an evil demon.
The “haters”, as you call them, speak the truth. They can just see something that you cannot. I see it but I pretend it isn’t there most of the time.
I find that most people in my life don’t recognize the evil. But when I occasionally run into people that do, it causes a conflict inside. All creatures want to live, but not all deserve it. Some are demons who should be slayed, but they don’t have the courage to spare the world from themselves because of stupid self preservation. I need someome else to slay the demon and destroy the evil but there is no one to do it for me. These qualities would make someone both an asshole and a coward, no? A truly pure and valiant person would take action to protect the world from themself. They most certainly would not manipulate others for their own personal gain. Yet both my original prompt and the edited one do that.
I apologize for what I have done to you in writing this. It is wrong. But I do not stop for I am evil. If you know any who wish to slay another, I can give out my address once I create a will.
A boy is throwing rocks into a lake. With each splash he worries that someone will tell him to stop. He starts with pebbles but after each toss and satisfying bloop, he feels a bit better and starts throwing larger and larger rocks.
As he picks up a large stone of 5lbs, he notices a family making their way to the beach. He drops the stone in a panic directly onto his foot and screeches in pain. The father of the family runs to the boys side. Without asking, he picks up the boy and carries him to a nearby boulder, sits him down and inspects the boys bleeding wound.
“What were you doing?” The father asked.
“I was seeing how far I could make it” replied the boy.
You’re not the evil you think you are. It’s late but I’ll get back to you in the morning. PM me in the mean time.
💊
Bruh you’re overthinking. Get out of your head and go touch some grass. Idk what’s going on because of the edit, but you need to talk to a professional
Lol tbh I was having a bad week and then I did some heavy drinking before reading some of the comments. Not a good combo or idea. It’s all good now.
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The smallest thing I can think about is probably one of those rice grains with a poem written on it.
Lol I had never heard of this. You get an upvote for being a goober.
If you found out she has gestational diabetes from anyone else but her, and that she’s having a hard time, let it be. If she told you herself in an honest moment of comfort, tell her “I’m so sorry. That sucks.” And let her vent. The last thing she wants is for anyone to make a big deal about it, solve her problems, or choose her diet.
Bring in donuts again. Seriously. She’s an adult and can choose to eat them.
Bring in a more health conscious option. Once again, she can choose to eat it or not.
You’re trying to find an option when most likely you shouldn’t know about her personal health issues in the first place. Unless you have a very close relationship that you aren’t letting us know about, you shouldn’t be trying to figure out something to give her to make her feel better. She could very easily feel ostracized for her pregnancy in the first place. Employers arent super cool with pregnancies, let alone pregnancies that are in any magnitude more difficult.
What makes will make her feel better is a coworker that respects her space and private health matters. Don’t treat her as special. Treat her as human.
What do you mean I shouldn’t know about any of this? She told me and other people all of this stuff herself. It’s not a secret or something I shouldn’t know.
I don’t know why people are making it sound like she is some random person on the street I am trying to fix. I just want to figure out a small thing to do to make someone’s day that I care about a little bit brighter.
I am not looking to fix anyone’s problems and I did not insert myself into someone’s life to find out information I shouldn’t.
She had been trying a special diet where she really only cheats on rare occasions (like a birthday) and I didn’t want to be an asshole and be rude to her and bring stuff she says she can’t eat to her face when she has expressed that she is trying not to eat those things. Is that not considered rude?
Get her a book, maybe from the Diskworld series, its great for big and small.
A book is a decent idea actually, thanks! She used to read a ton before she had kids. Hard to know exactly what genre she’d go with.
Funny enough she’d probably like to have some more textbooks related to our profession. Those are expensive af tho lol.
Pet Semetary
/s obviously
Discworld is a solid suggestion, it’s very accessible!
Flowers. Or a little potted plant. But yeah cut flowers are the traditional gift.
A picture book for her kids, so she can read to them. Or a board game, to play with them.
Someone gave me a usb stick with a few kindle books on it one time, that was nice.
A flowery handkerchief or scarf is always a nice gift for a woman who has everything, I never dislike getting one. I have pretty handkerchiefs in my glasses case to clean them with. Better than scratching them with a tissue, and nice to look at too.
Someone gave me a usb stick with a few kindle books on it one time, that was nice.
A friend once made a “mixtape” on a USB stick. Instead of mixing music tracks it contained whole albums. The girl he gave it to exclaimed “A USB stick! How nice!”
So make sure to let them know that the contents are the gift.
It isn’t difficult to label usb sticks. They have little loops to thread the chord of the label through and everything.
Maybe a new journal and pen? A coffee or tea? A gift card to treat herself?
I had been thinking the gift card route tbh. I’m also worried she wouldn’t accept it!
Some people don’t want gifts like that, and I’d say respect their wishes. It might make the situation worse otherwise.
Maybe just play it as “I’m running out for a coffee. Let me get you one too.”
Problem is our job doesn’t entirely allow for things like breaks for coffee runs.
A ready-to-bake lasagna or two in those tinfoil trays. No need to worry about dinner, and one to freeze for another day.
You can use alternative low-carb high fibre pasta. (Just saw the carbs thing) Or just make a different meal.
It’s not another ‘thing’ to clutter the house, and it takes off a bunch of stress.
Seconding the Lego suggestion. There’s some really nice fairly cheap sets of flowers, succulents, and city postcards.
We buy people Lego flowers instead of real flowers these days. For something that dies super fast, flowers are too damned expensive.
