This behavior is why I’m good at my job
This behavior is when I’m good at my job.
Blessing and a curse, I get paid for my judgement but it comes from the same place of anxiety and desperation to be prepared for anything.
I mean yeah but it’s still nice to be good at something and somebody needs to think about this shit
This behavior is why other people think I’m good at my job but I think I’m not (because clearly I haven’t thought about everything yet , right?)
I’m autistic, so I don’t know if this applies with adhd, but for me it’s not a choice (sensory processing disorder means, for me anyway, not being able to not be alert and aware of literally everything going on around me), and if it was, it wouldn’t be about “warding off harm” in some abstract way, it’s more about trying to be prepared for every possible outcome, because being caught unprepared would cause even more anxiety…
Aren’t brains fun? 🙄
They are not, except the few times they are
I relate to this so much. Throw in trauma and my nervous system is running on overdrive.
The illusion of control, even with its misplaced guilt, is easier to process than the chaotic truth that no one is in control. Everyone is making it up as they go and pretending there’s a plan. Even when there is a plan, it invariably falls apart when you attempt to implement it in reality. Too many variables. Too much chaos.
You turn away from the chaos by creating a fictitious order in your head, then blame yourself when reality happens instead of fiction.
Oh hey thats me.
My anxiety isnt too bad if im doing something ive done before. In new situations that u haven’t gone through is when my brain kicks it up and starts playing out what could happen and how we would deal with it.
My superpower is thinking of, and building contingencies for, every single possible problem except the ones that actually happen. I’m like a shitty useless batman.
That’s not just anxiety. That’s my most important survival strategy.
This sounds familiar. It was the first thing I got treatment for along with depression.
I was always on edge for things I forgot or bad things that might happen. Even small day to day things. Along with the anxiousness / fear I felt all the time. Started leaning towards turning into the paranoid prepper type at one point.
Cybersecurity was a natural fit as a career lol.
Once I got on medication, the feeling of fear or anxiety basically vanished. And the depression was more under control. I’m still good at cybersec though. I have had a lot of practice thinking about what can go wrong. I just don’t freak out over it anymore.
Later I was diagnosed with ADHD. I don’t know if or how that played in. My unscientific pet theory is that constantly screwing up may have heightened my fear of screwing up. But idk how it explains fearing numerous potential adverse scenarios.
Anyway I am more calm and level headed than ever most of the time. I do still anticipate various reasonable outcomes. But I don’t freak or go overboard or focus on the scariest thing.
Steris from Mistborn Era 2 by Brandon Sanderson. He writes a lot of non-neurotypical characters very well. She’s great, and gets a very nice love story
Holyfuckingshitotherpeopledothistoo???
This is called being a good person in a bad world.
This is the most effective strategy I have for managing my adhd.
Yes, and bad.
I do; not great, because a lot of the really concerning problems that may have an impact on me in the next 5-10 years are things that I have very little, if any, control over, and the contingency plan is basically just “go to another country”. Which is a bit tough to internalize, because for all its problems, I was born and grew up here, and I know this place has the potential to be better, and I want to fight for it to be better, but a lot of powerful and rich people are pushing things in the exact opposite direction in the interest of getting more power and money.
I hope this doesn’t come off as unsolicited advice, I can relate to what you said and want to share my two cents if you care to receive it. During my late teens and through my whole twenties I felt that same way. It passed over time. I’m still awful concerned for the future, but not outwardly, and not anxiously. If what you’re experiencing is like that, where it affects your ability to cope with reality, or affects your motor functions, I empathize with you on that and can honestly say it gets better with time and practice. If your journey takes you to a new country, let me just say good luck and may the universe or gods or whatever you believe in bless you with safe travels.
You sure you don’t have OCD there bud?
I’m sure of nothing
Might wanna look into OCD then. That sort of mentally torturing yourself is very OCD, so is the belief that if you do it often enough/just right, it will protect you and your community from harm.
I’m already in therapy for a while now. And although I do still feel this, it is much less now
Bad
