I know this is probably a shitposting meme. And my wife and my female friend, when I asked them, both laughed and said, “Yeah all the time.” I can’t tell if it’s sarcasm.
I asked this because Im a guy, and we’ve heard it all before. The guy plowing a warm apple pie. The ookie cookie BS. The jerk off with a sock. Dudes have done some weird things. I absolutely have found myself relieving some stress in interesting ways.
But veggies: Is this a common thing? Am I going to have to worry that my daughter, when she reaches a curious age, starts exploring with vegetables?
During puberty, should I start giving my children Amazon gift cards or no questions ask money to protect my produce?
I am aware this question is ridiculous and I am prepared to be ridiculed.
Well she said she used it for 3 hours so I can only imagine it was in fact and edging case.
Okay it’s a pickle at that point.
Well that’s the nastiest thing I’ve read today so far
so far
Veggin’ edgin’ ftw
Take their ‘joke’ seriously and buy them each their own vibrator/dildo combo. Be really serious about the whole thing; explain what they are, what they’re for, everything.
This way, if they weren’t joking, your veggies are safe. If they were joking, you have just completely topped their joke with your own.
Dad buying their underage daughter a dildo sounds like a good way to get canceled. Or worse.
I don’t think it’s a bad idea per-se but I can imagine a ton of ways how that could backfire.
EDIT: Yeah I misread that
OP was talking about his wife and her friend.
Dad buying their underage wife and her friend a dildo sounds like a good way to get canceled. Or worse.
I don’t think it’s a bad idea per-se but I can imagine a ton of ways how that could backfire.
Times are tough for underage dads in this cancel culture
Is it normal for teenagers discovering sexuality to improvise sex toys? Absolutely. Cucumbers are generally a convenient shape and size. When I was a young male teenager, I used hotel shampoo bottles. (Almost got one stuck inside me, no idea what I would have done.) When the time comes to have that talk, mention sex toys and that if they want to experiment, they should use objects that are meant to be used that way and that you won’t judge them for it. I’d probably also mention that you won’t open packages addressed to them and leave it at that.
Also tell them: In the worst case, when improvising despite your warnings, flared bases are essential!
I’ve never used a veg for these purposes and I’m not planning to. I would definitely not recommend it to anyone, and I would recommend be very mindful of the hygiene of any objects you decide to insert for whatever reason- speaking from experience here, UTIs are no fun.
Most people don’t use vegetables for this afaik.
That aside, the only girl who ever confided in me that she used a veg (a banana btw) also said she put it in a condom. She said she would bin it all afterwards and this sounds like what someone reasonable enough would do. I’d be grossed out if I was to eat something used for that and I’d feel awful to have my family eat something used that way. Just no.
Solution: simply cover your most phallic groceries with condoms, then dispose the condoms before eating.
Hairbrush handles are much more common. I’d say most girls probably haven’t used vegetables.
Most hairbrush handle designs are intentionally… yeah. But plastic is porous and nearly impossible to fully disinfect, so girls who reach puberty should be provided with high quality silicone or glass to protect them from getting a bad infection. Prudeness in our society will just hide issues like infection until it gets really awful.
It’s a shitposting meme. The poster has this pinned on their twitter:
That said… I have heard horror stories about poor theater staff finding cucumbers after the 50 shades premiere. Some of it was just people memeing and trying to prank but I’m not entirely sure about all of it.
Am I going to have to worry that my daughter, when she reaches a curious age, starts exploring with vegetables?
No. Worrying doesn’t help anyone. Just relax.
As a woman on Lemmy, I have never done this. I didn’t find penetration very comfy until I learned how to have G spot orgasms with my SO, but by then I was an adult and could buy a G spot dildo for times he wasn’t around. All I can think of with a cucumber is that something would break off inside me and I’d get an infection.
During puberty, should I start giving my children Amazon gift cards or no questions ask money to protect my produce?
🤣
You better make sure your son doesn’t have access to coconuts
As a teen I had little to no interest in penetration. Tampons didn’t feel good, so why would I assume something else would? I wasn’t really interested in penetration until I was interested in my partner specifically.
Once I (eventually) figured out pleasurable masturbation, I still stuck with external stuff mostly, and fingers in general. Eventually I got a job and a debit card and could privately online shop, but my little bag of toys continues to go mostly unused. Nothing beats my fingers.
I don’t know about other women, but for me masturbation is and always has been much more about what’s going on in my head, and then adding the pleasurable sensations to that, rather than experimenting with different sensations.
For a beginner I literally cannot imagine a cucumber. How many dicks are as thick as a grocery store cucumber? None I’ve seen in real life. Maybe in porn, but I can’t think of any. It would just hurt. Beginners would need something maybe the size of 2 female fingers. (Maybe a farmers market cucumber that’s skinnier?)
Chances are, if something can be fucked or used as a dildo… somebody somewhere has done it out of horniness.
TIL there are like no women on lemmy
Any cucumber you handle for 3 hours for any reason is garbage. You wouldn’t put it in a salad because it would be mush. This is a BS post, obviously.
