I’m gonna choose the side effect and you choose the power:
“I ___, but only when I’m hard.”am the world’s greatest kindergarten teacher
Can revive the dead
“I’m gonna explain everything later, just don’t interfere.”
Can reproduce
Makes sense
You can give moving public speeches
save kittens from trees
That sounds nice. The newspapers will call me a hard hero.
You can captivate the attention of any child. You’re a comedian or magician that would absolutely kill it at any children’s birthday party. You would be a fantastic teacher as you can hold the wrapped attention of even the most tiktok-corrupted teen.
Except, there’s just one small problem…
I’m Mr beast?
They could make a killing off making videos on YouTube or something like Khan Academy. Just never show him from below the waist…
become immensely popular as a male role model
Your super power is that you can transform into an afab woman, once.
Pee.
deleted by creator
Shapeshifting
It hurts extremely because your whole body is physically altered.
Worth it.
There’s a whole fetish community that’s SOOOOO into this idea
RIP Scoot D:
You shift by magically turning yourself inside out ass first
Disgusting and likely painful, would have to be done somewhere private
You’re worried about manners??
I mean, the point of shapeshifting is to be sneaky
Something tells me you have less than honourable intentions for your newfound power
I mean, what would you do with it? If I had it, I could greatly influence the politics of any country, simply by being any leader I wish to be and screwing their public image
I would be a thespian of course! But now that you mention it, I can see the potential to use myself as a biological weapon to help bring about amore equitable world …
But comes with body dysmorphic disorder. You’ll never be satisfied with how you look.
Not until you finally get it right, and at that point you look like a total freak to everyone else. But at least you’re satisfied.
Your brain shape shifts as well into an exact copy of the animal you mimic. You have the intelligence of the creature you turn into. Which means a one way trip as any coherent logical human thoughts is driven out by animal instincts.
If I shapeshift into another human, I’d just have their memories. Id have to shapeshift somewhere calm, and leave myself notes
Oh my god, Memento meets Animorphs.
Holy shit this is actually a good idea, I would actually read this book or watch this movie…
It could also work in a video game, but it would be very difficult to pull this off as the player character… could make for some extremely interesting NPCs in various settings.
This might make a good movie plot
Give me the power, I’ll do it for free
This would have infer that your shape shifting skill had the ability to mimic not just their DNA but their nueral patterns as well. Without that you are again just left with instinct and a blank slate brain with no memory or knowledge.
Your clothes are not transformed with you
Still works. I just gotta shapeshift into someone about my height
You shapeshift, including your mind. When you change into a person, you take on all of their memories as well. You become a complete copy, and the old you simply ceases to exist. If you turn yourself into Donal Trump, there’s just a random copy of the president sitting in your apartment, utterly confused about where he is or how he got there. And the ability to shapeshift was a power of your old body. The new one can’t shapeshift.
Your weight also change, but the difference is converted to energy using mass–energy equivalence formula.
So I just need to keep my weight constant
Grow slowly -> walking air cooler
Shink rapidly -> Boom
Wouldn’t it be more like: Grow slowly -> burn proportional amount of calories Since you would need to get that energy from somewhere
So you’d be interpolating between a keg-shaped dwarf and slenderman; sounds nice, too
Honestly, I could probably get behind that lol. After long enough I bet you could get really good at getting your mass exactly how you wanted it depending on what you want to do.
You forget what you like if you are changed for too long and don’t have a detailed enough reference
A matter of keeping some hair in a jar as well as a photograph of mine
Ide start an only fans account
You can also become invisible
Your telomeres become damaged every time you use the ability
You can only shapeshift into smaller versions of yourself.
That’s not really a side effect, more of a condition.
Granted, but you can never turn back
access to all animal shapes, but can only use them once, stuck in final form forever.
Oh no… I’m a cat. Done and done.
With the snap of my fingers I can instantly cause the death of authoritarian dictators.
Ability to make cheese at will.
it is extruded and harvested from your nipples
I would get the biggest fattest breast implants possible and be a stripper with a built-in cheese dispenser.
“Can I get a lap dance and some cheese for the nachos?”
The cheese is extra.
“Ugh. Fine!”Brand new sentence?
I see no flaws in this plan
This is a superpower thst could be in the orgy scene in The Boys, rofl.
You are also able to end all wars
And are reminded of this with every cheese you create.
You’re lactose intolerant
It’s all kraft singles
It’s Cheez-Whiz
You now lactate and secrete rennet. Making it possible for you to harvest the ingredients and make cheese at will.
As word of your power spreads across the world, you become a god to cows by providing means to an end to the rape and exslavement of their species.
The combined belief of billions of cows grants you accesss to the physical and mental powers of cows. If you work to free them, you will become more powerful. And if you don’t, you will be cursed to live out the rest of your days in an abattoir, where the hopes and dreams of cows go to die.
Either way, the dairy lobbies aren’t happy and assassins are after you.
It lags out reality because every time you make cheese, it spawns a dozen above you, and reality just never expected this to happen. Also it’s always comically large Raclette
Severe lactose intolerance.
Teleportation
Every time you do it, you land on a poop
Just gotta carry disinfectant wipes and stuff I guess. I’d take this deal
Nah, just put on those covers that workers use before they come into your house. Little slips that go over your shoes.
And not like a little dog scat either. We’re talking the entire football team ate some bad vichysoise and it hit them during practice and that pile is where you land. Every godsdamn time. You’re starting to wonder if it’s the same pile.
You can only teleport your body. Meaning you will always arrive naked.
I need your clothes, your boots and your motorcycle
You should watch The Boys, if you haven’t already.
Are prostheses and implants considered part of your body for purposes of teleport?
If say only you physical body teleports, leaving behind a pile of clothes, the contents of your digestive tract, and contact lenses. You arrive naked, hungry, and blind.
Granted, but your momentum is teleported with you. The earth is hurtling through space at over 100,000 km and you are on its -spinning- surface subjected to multiple momentum influences constantly.
Keep it to short distances and you might be ok, but with distance comes chaos.
Your accuracy is +/- 3 light years.
You have to have been there first within 24hrs to teleport there
Anywhere you haven’t been is an imaginary place
Be able to transform into animals
The ability to get my DnD group to have a sensible, routine schedule, with no cancelations.
They are always completely distracted and on their phones the whole time.
Had this happen with one dude in college. I had no clue why he joined at all. He spent every session on his phone held 6 inches from his face, and always had to be told when it was his turn in combat, just for him to have no clue who to attack.
It’s unfortunately common, just not necessarily everyone in the group. So, it’s the best side effect due to the grounded reality that’s suited to the wish.
You DM becomes your literal dungeon master. You’re literally chained naked in a basement, forced to play endless games of DND.
The side effect is intended to be bad.
Even for a post like this that’s just unrealistic.
But, everyone shows up but their fingers are constantly covered in a thick layer of Cheeto dust.
Everyone wants to play in your games
This irritates your intestines terribly every time you use it, causing you to be the one to have to cancel every time tho, or play the session in agonizing pain and very frequent bathroom trips
There sure is a lot of “you poop yourself every time you use it” type responses here.
But they want to change their character every time.
Their friends and family become trapped in stasis until they complete a campaign, they know you are to blame. You die when the campaign ends.
Tbh this one is a pretty easy one to undo at least. Just give them stupid OP magic items and have the BBEG wonder into camp unarmed.
So this one esentially boils down to “you only play once and your friends are pissed”
Alright, I’ll make it a bit more difficult.
Your DnD groups are all incredibly hot and sexually uninhibited, but none of them will date you because they can always get great sex, whereas you are the best at being a DM. They also steal any one you want to date because they want you do do nothing but be there for them.
That seems oddly specific and personal.
Benny Hill did something along these lines.
Everybody in the group but you suddenly dies.
Death counts as a cancellation, so that wouldn’t work.
The power to negate side effects of any kind. :]
Ohh! this *is *a nice game!
Ok, my superpower is … Autism!
Edit: The answers were even better than i expected! Thank you all :D
Mind reading
It turns out nobody really thinks often enough for you to get any information
Twist: everyone is P-zombies but you! The Solipsists were right!
When you read someone’s mind you involuntarily blurt out everything you read.
All thoughts are formatted in .docx
All thoughts are deposited on a random storage medium and format. So you might receive a 3.5" cassette formatted with ZFS or a flashdrive that must be read by laser refraction (like a DVD)
You’re extra sensitive to reading the minds of non-human animals and can’t turn it off. All the time. Forever.
spoiler
You can’t turn it off or filter out any thoughts and are lost in a cacophony of thoughts bombarding you every second from evey living thing. Even isolation isnt a relief as the animals and insects asail you with their primitive instinctual thoughts.
Antarctica here I come!
You arrive to desolate and wonderfully silent Antarctica.
For a time you are alone and happy in your isolation. Soon enough, thoughts start to slowly infiltrate your sleep and later your waking world. You can’t understand them. They are weird and very distressing. Over time you are having difficulty thinking clearly. You want to run but you cannot. You want to scream but you cannot for the thoughts are so upsetting. Your days and nights are spent in abject terror as you feel your mind slipping. Your essential nature being pulled away from you. Even more frightening is that you are starting to understand and interpret images, thoughts, and ideas, but they are so… Alien.
From the aliens.
The aliens that long ago crashed here on earth. To keep themselves alive they merged themselves with their spacecraft in an unholy combination of life and technology. They have been trapped by time, buried under the ice, waiting. Slowly the machine intelligence has been corrupted, the living minds fractured and the remaining combined intelligence is insane, mavolent, and hungry for new thoughts and ideas. Your mind is but the first. Your arrival has awoken them from a deep slumber. The ice that has kept them from humanity is melting.
You, (are you a individual any longer?) hunger with them for thoughts that are not your own.
Unholy union is as unholy union does. The machine elves have woken up, and they want to fuck.
Whenever you do it, the fact you’re reading someone’s mind is announced loudly in their mind and in the minds of anyone nearby.
No filter so you hear everything. I hope you are ready to hear non-stop thoughts of pooping, peeing and struggling with bad sleep because one of the elderly people around you is going to be dealing with it.
That’s ignoring all the disturbing thoughts of others you can’t do anything about.
In exchange, all of your thoughts are broadcasted onto an account on every social media, no matter how small, with your name attached to it.
Always. You can never not be reading the minds of everyone around you.
It works, but there is nothing to read. Enjoy your solipsism!
Super strength
You fart continuously while using it.
Probably the most realistic of the side effects
There’s an episode of Justice League where Superman goes at it with Darkseid. Supes says that he always has to be careful and that the whole world is like cardboard to him, so this is the first time he can really let go.
So, you can’t pick up a coffee cup or touch anyone without worrying about destroying something.
Also, you aren’t invulnerable so if you punch a wall you’ll still break your hands.
Also, you aren’t invulnerable so if you punch a wall you’ll still break your hands.
This is an interesting side effect.
- Every time they sneeze they break multiple bones.
- If you push too hard during pooping you’ll blow out your ass and/or cause internal organ damage.
- Chewing could easily crush your teeth and break your jaw
- If a guy, don’t even think about masturbation. If you do manage it with the use of a device independent of your super strength, the ejaculation would still shoot out of you like a rail gun, destroying anything in its path and blowing out your penis.
The list can go on and on. That power is a fucking nightmare.
A sort of corrollary to this is CIPA
https://www.verywellhealth.com/cipa-disease-when-a-person-can-t-feel-pain-4122549
You just do not feel pain, cannot sense temperature and never sweat.
You also, as a child more often, frequently seriously injure yourself and do not even realize it.
Also the inability to sweat makes you much, much more susceptible to heat stroke.
https://temp.larryniven.net/?q=man-of-steel-woman-of-kleenex-by-larry-niven
tl, dr a scientist looks at Superman’s love life. It’s not a pretty picture.
The minimum force you can output is now around 500 Newtons
It’s extremely difficult to control - even grazing an object the wrong way with your finger can end up breaking it into pieces. Giving someone a hug can easily end with you covered in blood from the person you just split in two.
Going to the toilet propells the shit straight through the toilet.
Not having to sleep. You can just be awake 24/7 without the usual cognitive decline or feelings of being tired.
I can upvote or downvote as many times as I want
When a lemmy user responds to me with a side effect, I can, by choice, reflect or absorb said side effect
When I’m completely naked I’m invisible.
When you’re not completely naked, your clothes are invisible
Uncontrollable farts
I see this as a bonus!
deleted by creator
You can only use this superpower in winter.
You still emit infrared radiation, and are visible to many cameras around.
You’re still perfectly visible in shadows and reflections. Anyone who catches you in a mirror will see you completely naked.
Ambient light occlusion counts too, the area covered by your feet looks perfectly black.
Edit: You can create this scenario pretty easily in Blender. Here’s what it might look like:
That kind of makes it cooler. That would be fucking terrifying, I’d be making SOOOO many people believe in ghosts that can punch you in the face if I had this set up.
How are you planning to ever have sex?
I will keep my socks on and just when I’m about to bust, socks come off and I scare the girl.
Oof, extra tight
[o0o]
I like to call it “The Haunted Rodeo.”
Doood, don’t half ass it.
